Tuesday, August 24, 2004

The Olympics, Where Urine Meets Religion

The Olympic gold medal winner in the discus, Robert Fazekus, was stripped of his title today for failing to submit a urine sample for a drug test. Well, he submitted one, but it was of insufficient quantity to be tested, which apparently is a red flag for several unseemly reasons which I won't mention here. Here was the response from the Hungarian athletic federation:
The IOC said the Hungarian delegation claimed Fazekas "was a deeply religious person who has always had difficulty to produce a sufficient quantity of urine in front of sample collectors."

I will rarely stand and applaud, but that is perhaps the most ingenious and spectacular excuse I have ever heard. I had no idea that religion could have such a constricting effect on one's bladder.

The number of people being disqualified in the shot put and discus events raises an interesting possibility. I could compete in either event, set a personal record of ten feet--and not finish last. I might even medal. I'd be on all the nightly highlight packages, screaming as I let go of the discus, watching it soar ten feet, then collapsing in the ring from dizziness caused by my pre-throw spin.

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