Saturday, September 18, 2004


My friend Andy is going on vacation in Australia.

As far as I can tell, going on vacation in Australia consists entirely of avoiding death. Everything in Australia is poisonous--snakes, toads, fish, plants, sea foam, house cats, ballpoint pens--it's all deadly. If an insect in Australia even looks at you, you're paralyzed within thirty seconds and dead in sixty.

Here is a typical Australian conversation:
Callum: G'day, ya bastard. Where's Liam?
Joshua: He's dead.
Callum: She'll be right, mate.
Joshua: Not a Buckley's chance of that, mate.
Callum: What happened?"
Joshua: He bought a watch and it killed him.
Callum: Of course it did. What a wally.
Joshua: Too right. He always was a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
Callum: Well, I'm off to kill rabbits.
Joshua: Hooroo.

This blog: the swim that needs no towel.

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