Monday, January 15, 2007

Weather Alarmist Weekend

Winter storm to threaten south central Texas through Tuesday
A Winter Storm Warning remains in effect from 6 PM this eveningto 6 PM CST Monday evening.

A wintery mix of freezing rain... sleet... and snow is expected over the next couple days... and significant ice accumulations arepossible over northern portions of south central Texas as early asMonday morning.

We went to a birthday party on Saturday. At 9:15 a.m. During a monsoon.

I'm not sure how much rain we got before 11 a.m. Saturday morning--I think it was close to five inches, but I was too busy paddling the damn canoe to check. Plus it was cold (for us)--temperature in the high thirties. And dropping.

"Let's take separate cars to the party so I can leave from there and go swim," I said.

"YOU ARE NOT swimming today," Gloria said.

"Of course he's swimming," Eli 5.5 said. "He's Daddy."

"The pool's heated," I said. "And I'll already be wet. What does it matter if it's raining?"

Well, here's why it matters: the water in the pool was seventy-eight degrees, but the water in the sky was thirty-eight degrees. And it was pouring.

When I got home after the swim, Gloria was making a list. "I'm going to the store," she said.

"Listen, every weather alarmist in the city is going to be at the grocery store," I said. "It's going to be mobbed. Why are you going, anyway?"

"I want to get some supplies before the ice storm hits," I said.

Uh-oh. Weather alarmist on line two.

"Ice storm? They call an overturned snow cone an ice storm in this city," I said. "The last time somebody dropped an ice tray, they closed the schools for three days."

"I just want to make sure we don't run out of anything we need," she said. That's a bad sign, because even Gloria's normal store trips can be lengthy. I pulled out a lawn chair once and sat in the aisle while she examined hair care products.

"Are you ready?" she asked Eli 5.5.

"Ready," he said.

"Just remember," she said, "if there are any complaints, no toy."

"NO complaints?" Eli 5.5 said. "How is that POSSIBLE?"

"Zero tolerance," Gloria said.

"I want you to remember two things, little man," I said. "Diet Coke and Pop-Tarts. Those are mission critical."

"Got it, Dad," he said.

They were gone for almost two hours. Finally, I heard the door open.

"Was it crowded?" I asked cheerily.

"Grrrr," Gloria said.

I helped her unload the car, which was jammed with enough food to last three weeks. "I'm glad you got these turkey meatballs," I said, holding up the package, "because if the three pizza delivery places within a mile failed, and we couldn't drive six blocks to McDonald's or Wendy's, I was afraid that I'd have to go Donner Party on your ass."

So today, of course, I woke up and there was about an inch of ice of on my car, with more on the way. The local news stations are saying things like "If you see polar bears, do not feed them. They are very dangerous."

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