Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Itch

Gloria's been listening to music before she goes to sleep, and she wears those little headphone earbuds.

I should note here that when I started doing that seven years ago or so, she was outraged. Something about communication or whatever--I wasn't listening because I already had my headphones on.

So here's an important thing to remember about marriage, and it happens all the time: outrage becomes trend.

"I woke up last night and my ears felt itchy inside," Gloria said. "Do you think I'm wearing my headphones too much?

"Headphones can't cause internal ear itch," I said. "The only thing I know that could cause that kind of problem would be an earwig crawling into your ear and eating its way through your brain."

"That's very helpful," she said.

"Oh, and if you somehow survive the absolutely unberable pain, you'll probably be told that the earwig laid eggs while it was in your brain."

"Thank you for that expert opinion."

"Don't thank me," I said. "Thank Rod Serling."

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