Monday, December 17, 2018

Go Fund Me, For Sure

"Some days you go to the grocery store for ice cream and come home with five bags of Chex Mix instead," I said, walking into the house.

"How did that happen?" Gloria asked.

"I was just walking through the store and saw a display that said 'Buy Two Get Three Free'," I said. "I'm just one one man. I can't make a stand against those kinds of discounts."

"So we have five bags of Chex Mix," she said.

"To eternity and beyond," I said. "Also, I've figured out the name for my business."

"You did?" she asked.

"I was standing in the grocery store, and there's one particular spot that's right under a big heating vent," I said. "It's fifteen degrees warmer than anywhere else in the store. And there are always two or three people standing right there, like fish next to the outlet vents at a power plant.

"Which made me wonder why there's no place to be warm here. All the restaurants are 65 degrees in winter, I swear. All the stores are cold. My car is the warmest place in this city for five months of the year.

"So here's the idea. It's called 'Warm as Hell', and it's like a car wash where you car gets on the tracks and rides through, except at Warm as Hell, you get on the tracks, lower your windows, and it's 85 degrees for the entire time you're going through. You ride through, heat up, and then drive off. Merchandise and gift certificates available."

Gloria packs a little clothing bag with various things in it before Eli's practices. "Oh, and I packed a couple of those hard bars in case you get hungry," she said. "There aren't any fresh ones left, so I had to use the ones that we've packed before and didn't use."

"'Hard bars'," I said. "That sounds like something they'd sell at a CrossFit Gym."

"Hard Bar with 120 grams of protein," Eli 17.4 said.

"I've got it!" I said. "We'll sell Hard Bars nutritional products at Warm as Hell."

Maybe the Warm as Hell Temperature Emporium. Haven't decided yet. That definitely deserves a logo, at least.

Site Meter