Thursday, January 21, 2021


My best friend Mike was dating a lovely women. 

It was one of those relationships where one person talks. A lot. The other person doesn't talk nearly as much. 

Because of this, conversations, particularly phone conversations, were often one-sided between them. 

"I think I'm in trouble with Julie," he said recently. 

"Long overdue," I said. "What happened?"

"She talked on the phone for about an hour, and I barely said a word, and when I hung up I said "JFC" and she heard me." 

[If you don't know what JFC is short for, it's an emphatic obscenity]

Well, that's not good. Except I've cursed before as I hung up the phone, and so has everyone else on Earth, I'm guessing. Or most of us, anyway. 

The difference is that no one heard it. 

For the last few weeks, I've been hearing him putter around for a few seconds after our phone calls ended. I thought nothing of it until yesterday, when I finally did the 2+2 addition. 

"I know why Julie heard you," I said. 

"You do? Why?"

"Because when you finish a call, you just put your phone down like an old man in a Progressive commercial," I said. "You have to actively end the call on your phone for it to disconnect."

"I thought it would just go off," he said. 

"It does not."

"Well, I've learned a few things," he said. "Hang up my phone. Internal dialogue should stay internal."

"Also, internal obscenities are just as satisfying as external ones," I said. "Now I'm going to hang up, and your job is to end the call immediately."

He did. Training is still in progress.

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