Friday, October 21, 2016

Friday Links!

From Wally, and this is some serious nostalgia: Vintage Girl Scout Online Museum. Next, and this is beautiful, it's The Moroccan town drenched in blue. Well, this is something, all right: Bdellovibrio, the cannibalistic drug coming to humanity’s rescue. Anyone who has cats will not be surprised by this: How much do cats actually kill?  If you ever wanted to make a human skull prop, it's your luckiest day ever: Corpsing A Skull Fast & Cheap! Dr. Deadsoil. Next, and you can spend a long, long time fiddling with this, it's myNoise™.net Custom-shaped Online Noise Machines.

From Craig Miller, and this is absolutely fantastic: Borrowed Time.

From Brian Witte, and these images are amazing: 2016 Nikon Small World Finalists. Also amazing: The Swedish Pompeii Project.

From Griffin Cheng, and this a very interesting read: How to Ship a Panda.

From C. Lee, and this is entirely lovely: La Maison en Petits Cubes short film. Here's an excellent interview with a Nobel Prize winner: Direct Talk: Science for Survival Venki Ramakrishnan. Next, and this is an absolutely fascinating read on multiple levels: How an Ad Campaign Made Lesbians Fall in Love with Subaru.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Ask a Developer (Garret Rempel, Part Two)

Today, part two of the Q&A with Garret Rempel. Here we go.

How has the game changed during playtesting? How long did the playtest last?
The details of the game have changed significantly during playtesting, but not dramatically, and the final product is very much in line with my original vision, though greatly polished and refined in its implementation.

The original design was much less flexible than the final product. First, you could only take a single action, and then you could take several actions but only in a specific order. But those limitations prevented achieving the objective of complexity within a simple framework. In the end most of the changes made were removing restrictions and simplifying rules.

The playtest period started in July of 2016, and ended late-September – nearly 3 full months of introducing the game to new players, listening to feedback, and making revisions. And this is after spending the better part of 2 months doing initial design and experimentation work before introducing other players to the game.

How did you handle the process of getting your game to market?
The plan for getting Flipped Off! to market is a series of stages. Because I was primarily doing this for my own entertainment, I didn’t need to have a distribution deal in place or a publisher to whom I would sell it. Also, not having the dedicated following like the Oatmeal or Cyanide & Happiness, I was quite aware that there was no way to have a fraction of the success that Exploding Kittens had on Kickstarter.

So the plan was to start small, develop interest, and grow if the demand was there. As a result, Flipped Off! is being offered as a low-cost print & play product. Anyone can purchase the print package online for a token contribution which will give them access to production-quality PDF files that they can print or manufacture themselves according to their budget. The print package also comes with additional PDF files and instructions for submitting to Print & Play Games to produce a one-off manufactured prototype. This option is much more expensive than self-printing on cardstock or mass production, but the result is a fully manufactured copy of the game.

If the game develops a following, and there is interest from the print & play market for doing an actual mass-produced print run then the plan will be to fund it through Kickstarter or Indiegogo. The advantage of doing it this way, is that they game has already been completed, tested, and is market-ready. There is no risk to running a crowd-funding campaign and ended up with an incomplete or failed product. Crowd funding would only be used to cover the print cost, with a target level that would ensure enough copies are printed to take advantage of mass production discounts.

How do you handle marketing? How much time have you devoted to marketing versus design/development time (in hours, if you know)?
Marketing is a tricky thing, especially since this is a self-funded project with a budget of zero. So I decided to take a three-channel approach to marketing: social media, established online entities, and local outreach.

Social media is primarily conducted through Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. By reaching out, making connections to other social media entities, that provides one channel for people to discover my company (Tricorn Games) and Flipped Off! Social media excels at making connections, and by focusing on establishing relationships (as opposed to pushing product), there is a better chance for information to spread.

The second channel is approaching and engaging with online entities including places like Board Game Geek, Reddit, Kotaku, Table Top Gaming News, etc. This can happen by submitting news stories for publication, but more importantly by engaging with the built-in communities of followers that these type of sites cultivate. By engaging on a personal level, communicating, asking for feedback, providing constructive input, and being a member of these communities, you are more likely to engage successfully than shouting into the darkness.

The last channel is local outreach. As a general rule, local game shops are (shockingly!) interested in games! They are wonderful places to go, hang out, try new things, meet new people, and spread interest. Game shops often also have space for playing games or organize events to bring gamers together based on a mutually shared interest. These are great places to go to engage with the people who are most likely to introduce other people to the hobby. That, and its fun!

What is the release date of your game and the price? Where can people buy it?
Flipped Off! is available on October 20th, 2016 for purchase online at which will get you a full production-quality print package in 8.5”x11” format for printing at home, as well as 18”x24” format plus instructions for printing with Print & Play Games as well as alternate printing recommendations if you only want to print the critical components and use other generic pieces you having lying around for markers & tokens.

The download price is $1.99 CAD (~$1.51 USD) for the complete package.

If you choose to print the complete package at home, paper plus toner / ink costs will cost you under $6 to print on cardstock using a laserjet printer, and even less if you choose to print only the critical components.

What is your next project?
We currently have 4 new projects in the works which have not all been announced. But our next project is a kids’ card game with artwork by Fredrik Skarstedt called Go Fish Fitness that combines Go Fish with fun exercises that you can inflict upon the other players in the game by making a match.

We are also hoping to run a Flipped Off! Kickstarter or Indiegogo campaign in the new year. Please keep an eye on Tricorn Games or @TricornGames on Twitter, tricorngames on Instagram or on Facebook for future updates.

Nintendo Switch

I think this is very, very slick:
Here's Your First Look At The Nintendo Switch, Nintendo's Next Console.

They're not going to have any problem selling this (in March of 2017, when it launches).

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Ask A Developer (Garret Rempel, Part One)

Here's a new feature for you guys. It's called "Ask a Developer", and it's a series of questions to explain and understand how developers work, in addition to giving them a space to pitch their new game.

I teased Garret that the next version of "Ask a Developer" is going to be called "Ask a Developer: 100 Words or Less", so that the hook is every answer has to be 100 words or less. But his answers are so thoughtful that I know you'll enjoy reading the extended version of this feature.

Describe your game in one paragraph.
Flipped Off! is a tactical card game for 2-5 players where you play a plotting Mastermind aiming to defeat your rivals and seize victory. You must manage your Minions - the Pirates, Ninjas, and Robots that do your bidding, play Actions that can improve your situation or wreak havoc with your enemies, and use your cards to launch attacks and hope that your rivals can’t turn the cascade of results to their own advantage.

What were your objectives (max three) with the original design?
My primary objective for this game was based around using a flip mechanic – where cards in play have a different effect on each side of the card, and when it is activated the card flips, changing its effect – and putting this mechanic into the hands of the players.

My other two objectives were to emphasize organic complexity (depth), by using a simple set of rules that could be combined in many different ways to produce a great deal of variation. And to keep the game both quick and fluid, by limiting the number of actions each player can take on their turn and also allowing other players to be involved with each turn. During each turn a player has 4 actions they can take (draw a card, play an action, swap a minion, and attack) but they must also choose between playing it safe and keeping control of what happens on their turn (not attacking, playing a passive action) or taking a risk (attacking, playing an aggressive action) by allowing another player to take an active part in the turn - but gambling that they could get a much bigger benefit by doing so at the risk of having the tables turned on them.

What distinguishes your game? 

Flipped Off! plays like a cross between Fluxx (draw a card, play a card) and Magic: The Gathering. Its distinguishing feature is that using your Minions to attack other players can cause a chain reaction – allowing that player to attack another, and so on. But how that chain progresses is under the control of the player who was attacked. This can quickly allow all players to be directly involved in every turn, but it opens up opportunities for clever players to turn the tables on their attacker and to try and turn any move to their advantage.

This can lend a feeling of Russian Roulette – that the simple act of taking your turn can go very, very badly. It means that players have to carefully consider how they approach the game, balancing a cautious approach of playing defensively and playing not to lose, against being aggressive and looking to manipulate the board to their advantage in order to force a combo with big rewards.

How long does it take to play?
For a 4 player game 15-30 minutes once you are familiar with the Advanced Rules, up to an hour if you’re just learning. The Beginner’s Rules by themselves take a little longer to play because it limits the wild, complex cascade effects that can happen with the Advance Rules. A 2 player game can take as little as 5-10 minutes.

What are your strongest gaming influences?
That is a difficult question to answer, both because there are so many, but also because it is hard to separate games I’ve enjoyed from ones that were truly influential, but the most influential would have to be Chess. As a player, I am not good at the game. I can play well if I spend the time to think hard about my moves, but I prefer to play quickly and recklessly, and make lots of mistakes. What was influential about Chess though is in its concept and its implementation. Small board, limited number of pieces each with a very limited set of options, yet it could produce such a beautiful conflict between two players. That such a simple game could produce endless variation and replayability was huge. It led to my discovery of real-time strategy games on the computer (Warcraft, Age of Empires, Starcraft, Command & Conquer, etc, etc, etc.) which live in the same space. Generally they are more complicated than chess, but the endless variations mean they are still among my favourites.

What are your best gaming memories?
It took me a long time to understand that my best memories about gaming – have nothing really to do with the games themselves. My best memoires are always about the people that I played with, and that the game was simply the setting. There are a few exceptions where I have been surprized or in awe of something a game has done (Elder Scrolls: Morrowind and Mass Effect stick out), but the best times are the ones that involve people. Learning to play checkers with my grandfather, mapping dungeons with my father, the gleam in the eye of a notoriously evil dungeon master, and the groan of my coworker around a Settlers board when I drop the mic by flipping a victory point off the top of the dev card pile to win it… for the third game in a row.

People make the best gaming memories.

Who is your favorite designer, and why?
There are any number of designers that I quite appreciate and respect both from the realm of computer games and from tabletop games, but I have to give it to Bruce Shelley for Age of Empires. Between the chess-like strategic gameplay, the innovative take on historical education, and the simple elegance with which it is presented. The game was able to provide a platform that could produce strategic complexity, it could be used to form a narrative, and it also connected with the human experience on a historical scale. It was an accomplishment that surpassed its flaws. Add onto that fact that he was also involved with the Civilization franchise and Railroad Tycoon (both of which were favourites of mine as well) he would have to be my favourite.

What game have you played for the most hours? Why?
If I consider game series, then I would be hard pressed to choose between Warcraft, Starcraft, Age of Empires, Civilization, Elder Scrolls, Baldur’s Gate/Neverwinter Nights, and Diablo.

On the tabletop, Dungeons and Dragons wins hands-down for sheer time investment, but Settlers of Catan (and its spinoffs), Cribbage, and Scrabble are also high on my list.

But the single game I have played for the most number of hours (excepting D&D) is Age of Empires 2: Age of Kings for all the reasons I mentioned above in regards to Bruce, but also because I worked on a site called Age of Kings Battlefield during the late 90s / early 2000s which was built around an active, dedicated, and friendly community of forum users. The strength of the Battlefield was the community and as a result there were many, many late nights of playing Age of Kings with people that I considered friends.

What is your design process? What would you consider the foundation of your process?
My design process always starts with a single idea. It could be a mechanic, a concept, a theme, or a combination of two elements, and it always comes to me in the form of “I like X, but what if?”. I like to take one element and then build upon it in my own way – following a series of decisions, pulling in unrelated elements from elsewhere to include, until I have something complete.

One of the earliest projects that I worked on with friends was fixing Axis & Allies. The mechanics of Axis & Allies was intriguing, but the static board and setup made the actual game a tedious slog (in my opinion). So we started by redrawing the map, and creating a fantasy world on which to play. Then because the static setup wasn’t fun, we created a simple purchase guideline for claiming territory and buying units to start the game using Risk as a model. Suddenly we had a brand new game, with all the strategy and fun parts of A&A, with a dynamic structure that allowed every game we played to be different and exciting.

In my current project Flipped Off!, I started with an interesting mechanic as a foundation – the card flip. The central component of the game would be flipping cards to affect the other players, and that each card would have different effects on each side of the card. That way a player had to weigh in the balance the effect a card would have by flipping, but also the potential impact that could occur by exposing the opposite side.

The rest of the game was built up from that one idea, and it was done by asking questions and then answering them. If cards are flipping – what kind of cards are they? Are there other kinds of cards in the game? How many times can a card flip? Can you flip other player’s cards? Can you protect a card from being flipped? How many different kinds of flippable cards are there? Are opposite sides of a card complementary, or do they have opposite or divergent effects? What kind of theme do the cards have? How does the theme relate to the effects on the cards?

The list of questions is long, but by writing down questions as I thought of them allowed me to revisit that list at any time and answer those questions. As the list of answers grew longer, the game began to take shape in my mind and the rules became clearer until I have the end product that you see today.

How do you handle design paralysis? What do you do to move forward?
Perfect is the enemy of good – better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

From my experience as a software developer and consultant, projects are more consistently successful when you are aiming to produce and refine, than to perfect and deliver. By approaching a project with the aim to deliver something that is useable, no matter how flawed, and plan to revise and iterate to improve it – you will end up with a better product than if you spend twice as much time designing it first. The reason this is true is that usually the client doesn’t know what they need until they have the chance to try something and decide that it doesn’t meet their needs!

This works just as well for game design, I built something based on what I thought I wanted, making arbitrary decisions (or ignoring something entirely) if I didn’t know which would be best, and then I played it. Only once I could experience how a decision worked in practice, was I able to understand what I didn’t like about it, and how it could be changed to be better than it was.

When you are paralyzed by choice, the answer is simple – not necessarily easy – but simple. Do anything, and don’t fear the consequences of messing up. This is easier if you plan to mess up in the first place. Understand before you start that you will get things wrong, and you will get them wrong quite a lot. Don’t be afraid of failure, if something doesn’t work – learn why it didn’t work, and try again.

Fighting Eleven #7: Meaningful choices

I'm stuck.

There's going to be a skill tree (or skill web, perhaps) for your players (cards) in F11. When you first recruit your player, he has four visible qualities:
--offensive yardage number (if you play the card when you have the ball)
--defensive yardage number (if you play the card when the opponent has the ball)
--positive quality (which could modify yardages, or cause turnovers, etc.)
--negative quality (could reduce yardages, etc.)

Your players are going to change each year, which means their "qualities" will be modified, and how much they change depends on how often you play them. So if they're inactive for a game, they don't get any experience. The more experience they get, and the more positive things that happen when they're played (like TD's on offense, or turnovers on defense), the more points you have to direct toward improvement each offseason.

Now, the tricky part.

I want these points to be available for purchasing upgrades, but I want the upgrades to be more interesting than "5% more yards" or something like that.

It's brutally difficult to do, though.

It's possible to distill ratings for players into three major categories: speed, strength, and intelligence. Almost any possible rating is some combination of those three attributes, so using them as the foundation makes sense.

As I dig into this, though, it's very hard to make upgrades seem unique.

If a player gets faster, they should gain more yards on more offense and close more quickly on defense, which reduces yards. Strength should break tackles and improve ball security (it's a mirror of those on defense). Intelligence should increase yardage on offense (better recognition of the defense, better instincts on hitting holes) and decrease yardage on defense (not biting on play fakes or receiver routes, etc.).

That's all way, way too similar.

This upgrade system is one of the critical components of the game, because playing a static card is boring and repetitive. Playing a card that lives and breathes and changes in meaningful ways is entirely different, and would be so much more interesting.

I think I have an interesting, engaging design for recruiting. Making the player cards dynamic and meaningful is the key to making the on-field action interesting, and I know I can work through the design issues.

I haven't done it yet.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Things and Other Things

Hmm, so apparently that chipmunk picture I posted yesterday is a "ground squirrel". Google needs to brush up on its chipmunk identification as well.

I will say this, though: chipmunks are adorably cute. Even if you don't like cute things as a rule, they're just off the chart. I assume this is consolation when their network of burrowing tunnels destroys your lawn.

This was an actual conversation from yesterday.

I walked into the house and Gloria (5'4", 105 lbs.) was patting her stomach.

"Is your stomach okay?" I asked. "Also, 'It would be if it wasn't so big' is not an acceptable answer."

She laughed.

"I'm starting to think that our bedroom mirror is misleading me," she said. "I'm much thinner in the upstairs mirror than the downstairs mirror. Will you go look at both and tell me which one is more accurate?"

"F--- no," I said, and she burst out laughing. "I will never, NEVER do that. I will jump into a waiting plane and parachute to safety before I even consider looking at those mirrors."

I am strongly in favor of a new law that restricts the size of the mirror that women can use to ruthlessly examine their appearance. If I was President, my first action would be to decree that mirrors could no longer be larger than 6" x 4". Using a full length mirror?

That's prison time.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Nature Newsflash: Squirrels do not have short tails


This is a chipmunk. We had never seen a chipmunk before, except in cartoons.

"Hey, that baby squirrel was hanging out on the porch," I said. "That's really cute."

"I think that's a short-tailed squirrel," Gloria said.

"Is that a thing?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," she said. "I think so."

Yes, we need to brush up on our chipmunk identification skills. It's embarrassing.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Friday Links!

From C. Lee, and it's a fascinating read: George Kennan’s Love of Russia Inspired His Legendary “Containment” Strategy. This is an absolutely fantastic piece of history: The Redacted Testimony That Fully Explains Why General MacArthur Was Fired. Here's an interesting look at the future: Look, no claims!: Self-driving cars are set radically to change motor insurance. This is very cool: Life, as seen through 73,732 digital photographs. We discussed this a few weeks ago: Japanese idol group member misses performance after misreading train station kanji.

When one paper on raccoon-dog feces just isn't enough: Emperor's latest paper on raccoon-dog feces published.

From Wally, and it's very charming: The magpie that saved a family. This is quite fantastic: The rise and rise of tabletop gaming. These are quite beautiful: The Mystery of the Phantom Page Turner. This is quite interesting: Roman Times and Dates. This is a terrific read: The Pleads Of The Many: 50 Years of Star Trek Lawsuits. I had no idea: How a Board Game Helps DoD Win Real Battles. These are both clever and quite a portal into the past: 11 Amazing Home Front Posters From The Second World War.

From Meg McReynolds, and this is both amusing and awesome: Man unwittingly attempts to rob big-time college runners. A big mistake.

From Eric Higgins-Freese, and this is fascinating:  Why Americans and the British Spell English Words Differently.

From Brett Harper, and this is an absolutely mesmerizing read: SPEAK, MEMORY: When her best friend died, she rebuilt him using artificial intelligence.

From Steven Davis, and this is just fantastic: Salvador Dali’s Rare Surrealist Cookbook Republished for the First Time in over 40 Years. Next, and this is amazing, it's World's Largest Ship Elevator Opens at Three Gorges Dam in Central China. Next, how pop-up books are designed: Engineering the Perfect Pop. I can confirm that these are very, very good: Honeycrisp was just the beginning: inside the quest to create the perfect apple.

From Sean McIlroy, and this is hypnotic to watch: Eruptions, Earthquakes and Emissions.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Sunrise in Grand Rapids

Sick Burns and Frogmore Stew (your email)

Lide sent in this note about yesterday's food memories post:
In the Carolinas, that is called Frogmore Stew, or Low Country Boil.  I'm sure it has other regional names as well.  it's awesome, and flexible enough to feed a small family or a small army.

Now, on to some sick burns.

Scott sent in an e-mail about Diogenes, who was apparently the Dorothy Parker of his ear. These are from the Wikipedia page:
He once destroyed his only possession, a wooden bowl, after seeing a boy drink water from his cupped hands. He commented "Fool that I am, to have been carrying superfluous baggage all this time!" He would walk around carrying a lamp in the daytime and when people would ask him what he was doing, he would tell them he was looking for an honest man (or perhaps just a human, implying that most people didn't use reason.) Plato described Diogenes as "a Socrates gone mad." and when Plato taught that Socrates defined man as a "featherless biped" Diogenes mockingly plucked a chicken, brought it to the Academy shouting "Behold! I have brought you a man!"

This is even better:
Alexander the Great met the famed philosopher in Corinth and asked if there was anything he could do for Diogenes. Diogenes replied, "Yes, stand out of my sunlight". Alexander then declared, "If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes." Another version of the story has Alexander coming across Diogenes while he's looking in a pile of bones. Diogenes explained, "I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave."

Alexander the Great apparently appreciated a sick burn, even if he was the target.

Winston Churchill had some great, sick burns. Here's one when he was verbally sparring with Lady Astor:
"Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison your drink," said Lady Astor.

Churchill responded " Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Next, a burn by an unlikely source: Mohandas Gandhi.
"What do you think of Western civilization?" a reporter asked.

"I'm all for it," Gandhi replied.

Richard Nixon once called Pierre Trudeau an asshole. "I've been called worse things by better men," Trudeau said.

Finally, my favorite sick burn artist of all time--Dorothy Parker. This was her review of an actress in a Broadway play: She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Sick Burns (Update)

C. Lee sent in the sickest of burns from Gilgamesh, which was written around 2000 B.C.

Gilgamesh spurns the marriage proposal of the Goddess of Love, Ishtar:
You are the door through which the cold gets in. You are the fire that goes out. You are the pitch that sticks to the hands of the one who carries the bucket. You are the house that falls down. You are the shoe that pinches the foot of the wearer. The ill-made wall that buckles when time has gone by. The leaky water skin soaking the water skin carrier.

From a Long Distance

We were driving home from practice. Just went by a Pizza Hut.

"Hey, I want to eat there some night," I said. "I want to try out those lemon pepper boneless wings."

"Ugh," Eli 15.2 "Not Pizza Hut!" He's a dedicated (and frequent) Papa John's consumer. "Why do you want to go there? Who eats lemon pepper anything?"

To answer that question, I had to think a little.

It has to do with my father, and my pleasant memories of being with him, of which there are only two.

Oddly, they both involve food.

Once, he drove down to Corpus Christi and took me for a weeklong beach fishing trip with his new family and another family he was close to in Louisiana. Including me, seven people in all.

I loved fishing, and I really enjoyed being on the beach. That enjoyment, though, was always strained through the sad fact that my father was generally an asshole, so almost none of the happiness I felt was undiluted.

After fishing one day, we cleaned the fish, and my father heated up a giant pot of oil while dunking the fillets in a mix of flour and lemon pepper. Lots of lemon pepper.

It was easily the best fish I'd ever tasted, the lemon pepper giving off a distinctly sharp but very pleasant flavor. I never stopped moving on the beach, so I was always hungry, and this made everything taste even better.

Since then, whenever I hear of anything that's lemon pepper flavored, I'm always inclined to give it a try.

The other memory is in a similar vein--same trip--and it involves shrimp boil.

If you've never used shrimp boil, it's a little pre-made bag of spices that you dump into a pot of boiling water when you cook shrimp or crawfish, and it makes whatever you're cooking spicy and hot.

Hot like mouth-burning hot.

So we boiled shrimp, but also threw in chunks of potato and half ears of corn, and when it was done, it was amazing. The potatoes and corn tasted even better than the shrimp, and I'd never seen anyone cook them that way. Delicious and oh-so-hot, so much so that my mouth was burning for at least an hour after I was done.

That's why I'll go to Pizza Hut soon.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016


Like I mentioned yesterday, we were in Chicago for hockey last weekend, and we went down to the hotel buffet Sunday morning.

Occasionally, when we're feeling particularly regal, we will order off the menu instead of getting the buffet.

I had my eye on some mini-waffles that were not available in the buffet, so I ordered them off the menu, along with a side of bacon.

When the bacon arrived, it looked absolutely delicious, with exactly the right amount of crisp.

"Hey, you need to try a piece of this bacon," I said, nodding to the plate that had just been delivered.

Eli 15.2, a big fan of bacon, nodded and took a piece. We both roughly took a bite of our respective pieces of bacon at the same time.

"Ugh," I said.

"That's just--not," Eli said.

"What kind of carcass did they get this from?" I asked, and Eli started laughing.

"Man, that looked like real bacon," I said, "not Universal Buffet Bacon."

"That's it!" Eli said. "It tastes exactly the same."

And so it did.

If you eat at enough hotels in the hockey hotel class, you'll eat at many, many breakfast buffets. And even though this hotels are owned by many different companies, their bacon all tastes exactly the same.

Good bacon has a sweet note, a lightness. Universal Buffet Bacon, in contrast, has multiple bitter notes and a harsh, almost burned, flavor, even if it looks perfectly done.

What's so distinct about this bacon is that I've never tasted it anywhere but in a hotel buffet. Not once in a standalone restaurant, not in my entire life, has bacon ever tasted like it does in a hotel lobby.

The mini-waffles, however, were excellent.

Monday, October 10, 2016

Sick Burns: A Historical Survey Request

I can't stand to watch Presidential debates, because I find them extremely stressful.

I do, however, enjoy all the sick burns on Twitter while the debates are happening.

I won't quote any of these burns, because--depending on your voting preference--you might feel The Rage Of One Thousand Suns®. It did, however, spark a discussion.

"So I'm wondering," I said, "who had the first sick burn?"

"Probably Jesus," Eli 15.2 said. "Plenty of sick burns in the New Testament." That's true. You could make a strong argument for Job, Chapter 38, as a tremendously sick burn, probably calling for immediate medical attention.

Shakespeare was quick with the sick burn as well, but he came much later.

So here's the question: what's the first sick burn? How far back does this go?

Not Even Sure How

Gloria was sitting at a restaurant when she turned, bumped against a chair, and her glasses fell off, along with two other pairs she had at an unknown location.

Good lord, you're a glasses piñata," I said.

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