A Thought
This is going to sound corny.
One of the things I've always struggled with in my life is the feeling that I never mattered. More precisely, I never did enough to matter.
I should have. I almost did, a few times. But I didn't.
Other than being Eli's father, which always felt different, this feeling has plagued me my entire life.
Today, though, I had a thought.
I was in the locker rooms after swimming. Swimmers always make a mess because they come in wet, so there's always water on the floor near their lockers. I always wipe up the water around my locker after I dry off so someone won't slip.
As I was wiping the floor, I realized something. People who wipe the floors dry and say kind words to people and let others go first genuinely matter because they hold us together. Their kindness keeps us stable just long enough for a decent human being to emerge who can make the world better.
Without the kind people, society would turn into Lord of the Flies, where everyone is a mercenary. In that environment, no one good could ever emerge. We would just keep spiraling down.
I think quite a few of you are like me in this sense. And we do matter.
It's a happy thought. We earned it.
Innovation Through Desperation
I do four sets of exercise three days a week, targeting the back, shoulder, foot, and stomach.
As I've added body parts (phrasing), the exercises take longer and longer. Over an hour now.
I've grown to loathe them.
I've been trying to think of a way to keep going that isn't utter misery, and I finally found a solution. What I do is play NCAA, but sim defense (slow speed, which lets you watch the game like you're watching on TV). A series with two or three first downs will take several minutes, which gives me time to do exercises. Eventually, I work through the entire routine, even though it takes me two games.
It's slower than doing them straight through, but it helps with my sanity.
Also helping with my sanity: it's 31 and sunny today, so it's the first day in almost three weeks where it doesn't feel living in a frozen Russian hellscape.
Big Things
You hear interesting things in gyms, especially in Manhattan.
It took me an hour and a half to get to the gym today (NYC was having a transit meltdown this morning), but I overheard a conversation after I got out of the pool.
Someone's show was opening.
I thought how nice, someone has a little play debuting somewhere just as the guy mentioned "NBC" and "next month."
This was after dressing next to the world record holder in the 60+ one-mile swim a month ago or so. His swimming pace in that race was almost my walking pace.
Sure, most of my day was spent jamming onto trains, avoiding frozen dog poop on the sidewalk, and navigating through snow passes at intersections, but it does feel like big things are happening all around you.
Now I Understand Why They Didn't Announce Sooner
Bad Bunny kicks ass, but since he didn't pass the Trump-Kampff test for a true believer, an "alternative" Super Bowl halftime show was announced by a well-known "conservative" organization.
I've been wondering who they'd name as the musical act (almost gleefully, I admit). Wouldn't you have announced it weeks ago to build momentum? The Super Bowl is this Sunday, after all.
They finally announced it today, and--wait for it--it's Kid Rock.
Oh, the humanity.
Strange Days, Indeed
It's getting a little weird: NYC Ferry service may be suspended for days due to ice in rivers. That's including the East River, which is actually a saltwater tidal estuary.
I didn't see service was suspended because the schedule wasn't updated until ten minutes before the ferry was due to arrive. So I was already standing at the gate, waiting, hoping someone would open up.
No dice.
The turned a somewhat straightforward process to get to the pool into seven miles of walking and three separate trains. However, in the end, I did get to swim.
I thought Manhattan would be in better shape than Astoria in terms of walking, but it wasn't. Giant masses of snow (some taller than me) were piled up on the side of major streets, and some intersections were just sacrificed in terms of walking. It's all triage right now.
Our trash got picked up today for the first time in a week. That's good news.
The high tomorrow is only projected to be 16F (20 degrees lower than usual), so the ferry isn't going to run for a while (the first time since 2015 service has been suspended for ice). Meanwhile, I'm discovering how a thick scarf is critical to your comfort level when it's below 15F. I wasn't even cold walking around today, thanks to the scarf. Well, and six other layers of clothing. And a heated jacket.
Yuck
I'm struggling this week.
I'm winter-phobic at this point after having spent eight years in Grand Rapids (which is on pace for 90" of snow before it finally stops in April). It's been better in Queens, much better, but this last cold snap has been brutal.
It's just not getting warmer.
The high was 21F today, or something in that range. I still managed to do 7,000 steps and didn't enjoy any of them. The barriers to doing anything in this weather just feel so high.
I'm still swimming tomorrow, though, even though I may Uber to the ferry. Too much ice at 8:30 a.m. to want to chance walking.
I'm writing twaddle, basically, and I apologize, but I'm just in a funk.
In Short
A short summary.
The average high here in January is 39F. It's been 15-20 degrees colder than usual.
It snowed 14" on Sunday.
I shoveled for an hour on Sunday, and an hour and a half on Monday.
This morning, I took an Uber to the ferry instead of walking because the intersections have 2+ feet of snow piled up at the corners, making crossing the street quite a challenge.
The Uber driver was late. Traffic was almost at a standstill. I got out of the Uber and ran the last half mile to the ferry, part of it through calf-high snow that hadn't been plowed yet.
During the running through the snow, I wrenched my knee substantially. It still hurts.
The ferry gate was closed and the ferry was seconds away from leaving. They took pity on me and opened it back up so I could get on. People in New York can be incredibly nice.
I swam. This is the good part of the story.
When I got home after swimming, I found out that the smoke alarm had been going off because (somehow) water leaking from melting snow on the roof had found its way through the upstairs neighbor's apartment into my study, dripping right through the smoke detector, which made it go off for some reason. Not much water, not a big deal, except for the smoke detector shrieking over and over again. And it wouldn't turn off.
Now our maintenance person is shoveling snow off the roof and I hear him walking around above me. He's flinging all the snow off the roof, which means I'll need to shovel the area by our house again.
This is why I hate winter. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.
Not Today
I'm taking a mental health day because every time I start writing it turns into a political post full of white-hot rage. No useful information, no thoughtful takes, just rage over how this country is being destroyed. I'll try to do better tomorrow.
Also, I ordered a whistle.
Friday Links!
Leading off this week, a brilliant story from the past. This is true heroism:
The Plunge.
Wood Stickers Covered This Nicely
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
"I think I can put together this table without the instructions," I said. "It's dead simple."
It was. I still did it wrong:
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Finally, Someone with a Spine
This is a transcript of Mark Carney's speech at the World Economic Forum in Davos.
Hopefully, this will be looked back on as the moment when the rest of the world stopped bending the knee to a madman.
I'm Just A Boy, Standing Here, Wanting to be Loved, and also Wanting an EZ-Bake Oven
I don't think I've ever told anyone this, but I always wanted an EZ-Bake Oven.
I was in third or fourth grade the first time I saw a commercial on television, and it was magic. I had zero interest in baking, per se, but unlimited interest in abundant dessert supply. Even better, it was dessert I could make myself. No more asking Mom. I would come home after school and bake until the cookies reached the ceiling, then eat them all. Every day.
Better still, I distinctly remember icing packets. Icing makes any baked good taste twice as delicious immediately. It's just math.
I never told anyone about this as a kid because back then there were "boy things" and "girl things," and an EZ-Bake Oven was definitely a girl thing. Stupid cultural pressure. I never forgot about it, though.
Here's the irony. Even now, at this "advanced" stage of my life (ugh), I've never really baked anything from scratch. I've made my share of slice and bake cookies, but that's about all. Maybe if there wasn't the stupid insistence on boy and girl things when I was a kid, I would have spoken up and gotten an EZ-Bake Oven for a holiday gift, and I would have fallen in love with baking. Right now, I could be baking a batch of homemade something or other.
It would definitely have icing. I'm sure of that.
