Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Eli 6.7

Here are a few Eli 6.7 stories I've collected in the last week.

I took Eli to Krispy Kreme for the first time in a long time on Saturday. I love their doughnuts--because it's like pouring icing down your throat--and he wanted to try them again.

"Dad, do you know who the last Queen of the Egyptians was?" Eli asked as we drove toward Krispy Kreme.

"Not off the top of my head," I said.

"Well, I do," he said. "I know A LOT of things from school."

"I'm sure you do," I said.

"Do you want to know?"

"Of course," I said.

"It was Sacajawea," he said. I almost drove off the road.

"Um, one problem with that answer," I said. "Sacajawea was Indian, not Egyptian," I said.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. "Ohhhhhhh," he said. "Wait, I meant Cleopatra," he said. A few seconds later, he said "Hey! I think I just touched my voice box--with my TONGUE!"

Once we got to Krispy Kreme, he was mesmerized by the Rube Goldberg doughnut machine (that's what I call it, anyway). We just stood and watched the doughnuts being cooked, then moving along the rollers until they hit the icing bath.

A little girl who looked to be Eli's age came up and stood beside him, peering through the clear wall, in shock as hundreds of doughnuts went by. "SWEET MOMMA!" she said. "I wish I could eat ALL those doughnuts."

We were watching an episode of Kim Possible together, and the kiddie meal toy given away at Bueno Nacho was capable of turning into a twenty-foot high robot when given the right signal. As one of these robots went through town, destroying everything in sight, Eli said "If I had one of those, and it wasn't evil, I'd play with it EVERY DAY."

"I want to be a God," Eli 6.7 said as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Who doesn't?" I asked.

"If I was a God, I could fly in P.E.," he said.

"You're a God, and all you're going to do is fly around the gym? Dude, you're a GOD--you don't even have to go to school anymore."

"I don't?" he asked.

"No," I said. "You'd know everything already. Probably."

"Oh, now I REALLY want to be a God," he said. "Dad, what would you do if you were a God?"

"I'd wrestle a whale," I said.


"I could talk to him in his language, so he'd know that we were just playing," I said. "But definitely the first thing I'd do is wrestle a whale."

"Now THAT is an idea," he said.

"Dad, do you want to play Super Mario Galaxy?" Eli was sitting on the couch. I sat down beside him.

"Sure, little man, I'll play," I said. We have a constant rivalry about turning on the Wii, because we have the controllers inside the stereo cabinet with the Wii, so someone has to walk over and turn it on. "Go turn on the Wii," I said.

"No, you turn it on," he said, laughing.

"No, YOU turn it on," I said.

"No, YOU," he said.

"The only 'you' in this room is 'you'," I said. "So you turn it on."

"No, you turn it on," he said.

"Oh, for God's sake! I'LL turn it on," Gloria said. She had been sitting at the kitchen table, and she walked over to the stero cabinet and turned on the Wii.

"Thanks, Mom," Eli said. "Thanks a lot."

"Yeah, thanks, honey," I said. Gloria walked back into the kitchen and sat down. "Okay, buddy," I said, "go turn the receiver to 'Video 1'."

"No, YOU go turn it to 'Video 1'," he said.

"No, you," I said.

"ARGGHHHHH!" Gloria said.

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