Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Family Matters

Eli 7.9 has been watching quite a bit of hockey with me in the last week, and he's turned into a big fan of Sidney Crosby. Last night, they showed him on the bench, and Eli said "He's a handsome guy!"

Gloria and I both started laughing. Later (when Crosby had the puck), Eli started doing the announcing (he loves doing this), and he said "He HAS the PUCK! He's HANDSOME! He SHOOTS for a GOAL!"

"I am going upstairs for some very PERSONAL and PRIVATE work," Eli 7.9 said as he marched upstairs.

Five seconds later, he shouted "MOM! How do you spell EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPHICS?"

We were out last weekend, and when 100 Days, 100 Nights came on the radio, Gloria said it was one of Eli's favorite songs to sing. If you listen to the song (hit the link), you'll know why I started laughing--it's a great song, and I really like Sharon Jones, but seeing Eli belt it out would be hilarious.

"He likes singing 'Message In A Bottle,' too," Gloria said. "My God, I'm so old--I remember when Sting was cool."

"Sting was never really cool," I said. "Stuart Copeland was cool. Sting just wasn't aggressively uncool yet."

"Maybe I'll buy a Police album for Eli this summer," she said.

"No way," I said. "I forbid it."

"Why not?" she asked.

"He's going to like that album, and then he's going to ask you about The Police, and he's going to want to know why they aren't together anymore. How are you going to explain what happened to Sting? You know, when he started singing about turtles and ponies and became an obsessive Beanie Baby collector. What are you going to say?"

"I'll say he lives on a farm," Gloria said, laughing," and lives with a nice family."

"With plenty of space to run and play," I said.

I wrote a while back that our refrigerator had broken. Because of the age of our unit and the cost of repair, we wound up getting a new one.

[digression: the box for the new fridge was absolutely HUGE, and we had to keep it for the first month in case we needed to make a return. So we had the box in the garage (it was almost scraping the ceiling, seemingly) and it said "REFRIGERATOR" in big letters, and a neighbor walked up and said "I see you got a new fridge."

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

end digression]

The new fridge was a "side-by-side," and it had an in-door water dispenser, which is the first time we've ever had that convenience.

Last week, Gloria walked in on me as I was, um, experimenting in the kitchen.

"Oh, MY GOD!" she said, laughing. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to drink from the water dispenser with a straw," I said.

"You really are the laziest man on Earth," she said.

"This way I don't have to use a cup," I said. I'm conserving. It's all about being green."

Really, it's not. It's really about how freaking cool it would be to drink from a water dispenser with a straw.

"Good grief," she said.

"I really need a bigger straw," I said. "None of these are really big enough to completely fit around the nozzle."

"And now, in spite of my horror, I find myself helping you," she said, opening up the cabinet and looking at Eli 7.9's collection of cups. "Here," she said, handing me a plastic bendy straw.

I drank. Deeply. "Oh, yes," I said. "Oh, yes."

It's at this point that I should insert some clever variation of veni, vidi, vici, because "I came, I saw, I drank" in Latin would be quite nice here, but I can't do the translation. [it's "veni, vidi, bibi," thanks to Peter Thompson and others]

Later, when Eli 7.9 came home from school, Gloria said "Ask YOUR FATHER what he spent his time on today?"

"What were you doing, Dad?" he asked.

"Trying to figure out how to drink from the refrigerator with a straw," I said.

"OH, DAD!" he said, laughing all the way to the couch, where he fell over. "Dad, LET ME SEE!"

And so I did.

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