Tuesday, May 30, 2023

The Wrapper Looks Great, Though

I don't eat Pop-Tarts anymore, because 5 grams of saturated fat aren't a great deal for the amount of food you get, even though I find the form factor and sugar content highly compelling. 

Walking through a Fresh Thyme grocery store today, though, I saw this:

Hmm. Anything with birthday cake flavor must be pure sugar, and as a bonus, it has 20g of protein, which sounds ridiculously unlikely but also enticing. Self-glossing itself as "Legendary" concerns me, as it seems like the dating profile equivalent of "sassy and classy" (hard pass), but what would it hurt to try one?

Here's the thing, though: if you consciously look like a Pop-Tart, the weight of history is upon you, and you must, in some way, resemble that flat, sugary delight. Even a passing resemblance is fine, but there must be a resemblance. 

Did I taste anything resembling a legacy? I did not. 

What did I taste? Despair.  

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