The Prom: Fashion TipsWe went to dinner last weekend for our anniversary.
It was one of those very nice restaurants where the waiters spend five hundred words describing "the special." Our waiter was particularly keen to discuss their "unoaked" wines.
I was less keen.
"I could describe quantum mechanics in fewer words than that guy just took to describe a wine," I said when he finally walked off.
"And if I could drink quantum mechanics, I'd ask you to," Gloria said.
Midway through our meal, TWENTY high-school kids, dressed for the prom, took over the restaurant. Initially, it was kind of a drag, but I was sitting where I could watch them, and I realized that I actually have learned something in the last thirty years. So, without further build-up, here are my prom fashion tips:
1. Lose the white tuxedo.
Gentlemen, If you're wearing a white tux with a white shirt, white socks, and white shoes, you're going to either look like a cotton ball or a bar of Ivory soap. In northern territories, in the unfortunate event of a snowstorm, you might go entirely Invisible Man and your date will have to find you by your footprints.
2. Stop adjusting your dress.
Ladies, I know those are expensive dresses and you haven't worn them much, but stop fiddling with them. If your boobage won't support the dress, hiking it up constantly is drawing more attention to your boobage-deficit, not less. Tugging on that dress every fifteen seconds makes you look like a grooming pigeon.
Gloria actually timed them for a minute and I counted seven dress adjustments for ten girls. And I think that was a low minute.
3. Lose the gum.
That may be the most expensive dress you've ever worn, but chew your gum like that and you still look like a dairy cow.
4. Practice walking in your shoes.
Those are nice heels you're wearing. It's a shame that you're walking like you're on a trampoline. And stop adjusting your dress.
It was actually very enjoyable to see them. It certainly brought back memories of my senior prom.
Wait, I didn't even go to my senior prom. Never mind.