The Second Laziest Man in the World
From DQ reader Matt Kreuch, who is an example for us all:I have truly admired your ability to push lazy to the limit (effortlessly of course) and have considered myself a student of your lazy ways for some time now. I have aspirations of one day, finally, reaching a level of lazy that enables me to scan the horizon of mankind with a confident smirk on my face because I hold the secret to a new way of life... one that requires less work and a nimble, but creative perspective. A way of life that is full of accomplishment, yet requiring minimal levels of energy or effort. You hold this key, Bill; and I thank you for showing me the light. Through very little work and over 38 years of simply existing, today I reached this level of lazy that I never dreamed possible and I owe it all to you.....
It happened moments ago... it's 12:11AM and I'm wearing long pants. I know.. "who cares that you're wearing long pants" right? You will, that's who! I walked to the front door to let my dog out before I locked up the house. I'm holding a tall, full glass of water as I walked across the hardwood floors toward the kitchen. I stumbled a bit and before I knew it, I had spilled about 1/4 of the glass onto the floor. I looked around for ideas and even considered just leaving it there because after all, it's only water, right? I'm a bigger person than that and knew right away I had to do the right thing. Looking ahead I could see the roll of paper towels on the kitchen counter but it had to be like at least 30 feet away... "That's a long round trip," I thought, and I knew Bill would completely agree. "What would Bill do"....."What would Bill do," I continued to mumble. Without thinking twice, I swung into lazy action. I loosened my belt and slid my pants halfway down my thigh giving me enough length to soak up all the water with the extra fabric. I didn't even need to bend down and exerted minimal amounts of energy as my feet swept into action. "Wax on, Wax off" I said aloud as if my Sensei was nodding his approval. Once the water was sufficiently cleaned up, all I had to do was pull my pants back up, buckle and go! My work here was done!
I have arrived!!! Thank you for inspiring me.
My dream: to be a leader of men who are too lazy to be led.
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