So You Want to Be a Games JournalistTo: Douglas Perry, Editor-in-Chief, IGN
Re: A Modest Proposal
I recently read an article titled "So You Want to Be a Games Journalist," and it made a career as a game reviewer sound so rewarding that I decided to apply to your website.
Today, I found out that my request to write for you was not granted.
Honestly, Doug, are you on drugs or what? What kind of sick, twisted freak would pass up the chance to have me write for their clearly substandard website? Did it give you some kind of perverse satisfaction to deny me? You don't care about broken hearts and shattered lives. You have your own ego to feed.
Here’s a tip for you, Doug: I don’t just write. I write to save lives. I write for people, Doug, and I serve those broken-hearted people, not arrogant tyrants like you. I am a one-man, game-reviewing wrecking crew, and you are passing on the only writer who could make your execrable site into something worth reading.
You don’t want me? Get in line, baby. The sociopaths at Gamepro turned me down last week. But feel honored. You're now part of a gathering that includes the grave robbers at Original Xbox Magazine and the chronic masturbators at Eurogamer. I'm sure you're proud.
Don’t forget this, Doug: America is a great place where citizens get to cleanse the public dole of thugs like you. I'm looking forward to doing just that.