Monday, November 18, 2019

Honest Press Releases, Vol. 1

Chick-fil-A To Stop Funding Controversial Groups After LGBTQ Protests
Chick-fil-A announced it will take a different approach to its charitable giving in 2020 following years of protests from LGBTQ groups that have taken issue with the Atlanta-based food chain’s donations to organizations that do not support gay rights.

“Staying true to its mission of nourishing the potential in every child, the Chick-fil-A Foundation will deepen its giving to a smaller number of organizations working exclusively in the areas of education, homelessness and hunger,” the organization announced Monday.

Hahahahahahahahah. I'll fix that for you.

Chic-fil-A To Stop Funding Controversial Groups After Discovering Popeye's Chicken Sandwich Tastes Better
Chic-fil-A announced it will take a different approach to charitable giving after Popeye's introduced a better chicken sandwich. "Shit, man, Popeye's?" said a Chic-fil-A spokesman. "We've had the chicken sandwich locked down for fifty years. Now Popeye's has thirty cars lined up in the damn drive-through. We've still got waffle fries, ya'll!"

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