Holes
I have a very talented artist friend who is lost.
It happens. While the kids are growing up, most people don't have time to feel lost. Then the kids leave and they have too much time to think. Every time they think--far too often--about being lost, it gets heavier.
My friend believes a hole is inside her and she doesn't know how to fill it. It's gotten to the point where she doesn't want to do anything without a guarantee it will fill the hole. Dating, pets, art. Everything must be in service of the hole.
By her definition, everything she's tried has failed.
There are many ways you could describe this situation, but I see it as a failure of language.
We all have emptiness inside us. Calling it a hole, though, carries with it an implication. Holes can be filled. They can be made to disappear.
I felt like that for many, many years. I always saw what I called the hole as a huge obstacle in my life, a foe to be defeated. What else can you do with a hole? You fill it. I couldn't feel complete until it was done, so I always felt incomplete.
I don't know when I started to change.
Over time, I began to realize me that what was inside me wasn't a hole. It wasn't a foe. I was more like a car where the brakes were shitty and you had to pop the clutch to get the motor in gear. More important than the car's faults, though, was that it ran. It always ran.
The analogy is seriously flawed because if I was a car I should be able to put myself into the shop and fix everything. That's okay, though, because the analogy still runs, just like the car.
Thinking about life, and myself, like in this manner changed my happiness in profound ways. I don't expect to be happy every day, and when I am, I appreciate it more.
That's what my life will always be and it's okay.
This isn't what my friend wants to hear. She wants answers, and she wants the hole filled. Accepting that what you're dealing with isn't a hole, though, is oddly freeing.
At least for me.
A Tiny Gift
When Eli 24.2 visited me in August, I wanted to find one special present for his (late) birthday. I was stumped until I saw this:
That's the TinyTV 2, which has a screen size of 1.14 inches.
Looking at it is magical. I can't explain why, exactly, but it feels like its own, secret world. I took some video clips from the Cambridge Rivalry Match last season, converted them, and loaded them onto the little TV. I even found a clip from an amazing save Eli made in 15U when he was playing the #1 team in the country.
You can advance through the clips via the button on the TV or the included remote control, and there's even a speaker.
Eli lit up when he saw it. "What is this?" he asked.
"It's you and hockey," I said. I turned it on and he couldn't believe it. It's the reaction you have when you didn't know something was possible and see it for the first time.
I wanted to record a video for a the blog, but I decided it was something I wanted just for him. I don't think he'll ever forget it.
A Solvable Problem
In game four of the World Series last night (an 18-inning epic), Shohei Ohtani was walked five times.
Four of them were intentional. The fifth featured four consecutive balls, with only one anywhere near the plate.
It's a huge drama killer.
It's also solvable. I was thinking about it this morning and realized an easy solution: if a batter walks with zero strikes during his at-bat, he gets to go to second base, not first.
One or more strikes? First base only.
This would make it much more difficult to pitch around guys and also make an intentional walk more difficult to use (as it should be).
Baseball's changed all kinds of rules in the last few years (mostly to good benefit), so it doesn't seem impossible for something like this to happen.
By the way, Ohtani had nine plate appearances last night: 2B, HR, 2B, HR, IBB, IBB, IBB, IBB, BB. Absolutely incredible. And he pitches tonight.
Gambling
There's a gripping article in Rolling Stone from two weeks ago: There’s Now a Casino in Everyone’s Pocket. For Some Young Men, It’s a Near-Fatal Gamble: Americans gambled $150 billion through online sportsbooks last year. Far too many lost nearly everything.
The way sports gambling has embedded itself into the business of sports has been sickening to watch over the last five years. It's impossible to get away from. Those businesses, like everything in the gambling (and lottery) industry, are based on mathematical certainty. They have a build-in advantage, often substantial, on every bet placed with them. And yet tens of millions of people still believe they're smart enough to overcome that disadvantage.
They're not.
The number of sports gamblers who make money over time is so rare as to be almost unicorns. I don't mean average people; I mean professional gamblers. It's incredibly difficult to pick any sport against a points line because the line is set with such precision. Parlays? Forget it. It's ludicrous to even entertain.
What the article dives into is gambling on college campuses, but who is really surprised? Advertisements for gambling carpet bomb young people. Of course it has an effect. Particularly with "microbetting" (essentially, betting on a short-term moment in a game).
Like many things now, it's hugely discouraging. We seem to have lost the will as a nation to regulate anything, and there are real consequences for our abdication of responsibility.
Friday Links!
A tremendous read: Dreams of a Maoist India: India’s Maoist guerillas have just surrendered, after decades of waging war on the government from their forest bases.
I've been wondering what on earth was going on with these people: Believing misinformation is a “win” for some people, even when proven false.
Thoughtful: A poet on Mars: Could autism explain Virginia Woolf’s unique voice?
A terrific essay: Swamp People: Finding refuge and resilience in America’s most reviled landscapes.
From Wally, a seasonally-appropriate link: The not-so-spooky origins of 'ghost' — and why the word still haunts our language. A fantastic read: Can the Golden Age of Costco Last? An interesting read: The impacts of AI (in wargaming). It never changed (and it's a fantastic project): The Comic Book Burnings Project: Documenting and Mapping Fires in America, 1945-1955. Glad they're on this mission-critical legislation /s: Ohio Lawmaker Wants to Ban Marriage Between Humans and AI Chatbots. A provocative piece: LEGO: Brick by Ideological Brick: Toys, even ones marketed as tools for the imagination, are never value neutral.
From Ken P., and it's intriguing: A simple fatty acid could restore failing vision. This is quite fun: A History of the Kings and Queens of the Rom-Com. Quite amazing: Why Signal’s post-quantum makeover is an amazing engineering achievement. Unbelievable: DirecTV screensavers will show AI-generated ads with your face in 2026. Also unbelievable: Tesla angers EV owners with Tron: Ares update that brings in-car ads to its navigation. Why not both? 'The Only Reason Call of Duty Exists Is Because EA Were Dicks,' Battlefield Boss Vince Zampella Says. Not surprising: Dog behavior is shaped by life experiences when they are puppies. No doubt: Reagan would spit in these "republicans'" eyes! This is remarkable: ‘Very significant’ Jack Kerouac story discovered after mafia boss auction. An excellent read: The Surveillance Empire That Tracked World Leaders, a Vatican Enemy, and Maybe You. A bizarre possibility: Will AI ever win its own Nobel? Some predict a prize-worthy science discovery soon.
An Exchange
We were trying to figure out lunch, and C was looking for options.
"Are you going to eat what's left in the fridge?"
"No."
"Is it too old?"
"Yes."
"It's just been three days."
"I'm not running a rest home for used food."
Fortunately, C has a tremendous (and patient) sense of humor.
Winter Burrow and the Asshole Invasion
The best demo I played in Next Fest was
Winter Burrow.
The most direct comparison I can make is that it's a gentle version of Don't Starve. It shares many of the mechanics, but is far less difficult. You're a mouse trying to restore a burrow that was formerly used by your parents.
It's charming in every conceivable way, from the graphics and sound to multiple designer touchers (leaving tracks in the snow, warming up more quickly if you stand in front of the fire, etc.). The design is careful and precise. I entirely lost myself playing the demo, and time piled up much more quickly than I realized.
It's coming out in November, and it will be a day one purchase for me.
I dipped into the forums to check on one question I had, and that's when it got ugly. Gamergate idiots screaming about the game being "woke." Seriously, a game about a mouse. They're like happiness cancer, these assholes.
Social media, no matter what else you can say about it, has groomed an entire generation of young men into being absolute pricks. They've caused serious harm to this country, not just our hobby, and I don't know who can stop them, or how.
I hope we figure it out, though, and soon.
The Noguchi Museum
We went to the Noguchi Museum on Sunday.
It's a sculpture museum, and it's origins are fascinating (from a museum handout):
This pavilion occupies the site of a former service station that Isamu Noguchi (1904-1988) bought as part of his plan to create a Museum to present his life's work. The museum opened in 1985.
...Chronologically, these large basalts are Noguchi's last large body of work: Noguchi stated: "Over the years, my sculpture becomes more and more concentrated on stone, especially the hard granites and the basalts which are to be found in Japan. There also must have been a process whereby I overcame the difficulties involved in carving these stones and grew to appreciate the endurance and beauty of the results."
The reason I included the section about large basalt is because Noguchi's work had an incredible range over his lifetime. His earlier work was precise and highly structured, as in these examples:
You might not be able to tell unless you click on the image, but the last sculpture is composed of a series of interlocking pieces, and it's incredibly beautiful.
Contrast those images with his work toward the end of his life:
It's astonishing to see these large works in person, particularly in conjunction with his statement about how he came to appreciate and embrace the difficulties of carving large stone.
I'll have more about Noguchi tomorrow (I think).
A Pool, in Three Acts
Act One, in which we walk to the convenient pool in Queens and fully expect to see dead bodies when we become aware of the general condition of the facility.
Act Two, in which we take the subway to Manhattan and find a much nicer gym with a pool, though it requires a subway trip and half an hour of walking each way, partially through the bedlam that is Times Square. Plus once you finally get to the pool, the likelihood of having to circle swim (more than two people per lane) is unacceptably high.
Act Three, in which I walk twenty-five minutes and take a ferry to the Upper East Side, finding a pool (for the same price) that has seven lap lanes at almost all times, plus bonus lanes on occasion. In addition, it doesn't feel wedged into a tiny space, it even has hangout places for relaxing, and is only a five minute walk from the ferry.
Finally.
Another Adventure
I've got quite a trip planned for today.
An hour walk to a subway station. There are closer ones, but I haven't seen this part of Long Island City yet. 30 minutes on the train. A 10-minute walk to Jimmy John's in Brooklyn (a standalone store, hopefully with the first decent fountain Dr. Pepper I've had since we got here). Then walking back and the train again, only this time I walk to the arcade I want to check out, then to the grocery store on the way home.
It's about three hours of walking, I think. Nice day, though, and I'm combining multiple exploration trips into one. I'll take pictures of the arcade if it's decent and share them next week.
Slots & Daggers
Well, this demo is certainly impossible to stop playing. Slots & Daggers,
The store page says it's a "retro mini-roguelike inside a slot machine." Yup, that's what it is, and it's meticulously designed. The ambiance is also phenomenal.
Try it if you have an hour to waste, at least. It's that much fun.
The Solo
I went to Manhattan by myself today for the first time.
C is in Montreal. We've gone almost everywhere together since we got to Queens, including several trips to the gym we joined (walk 15m-subway 20m-walk 15m). I've gone on several solo walking excursions in Queen's, but never to Manhattan.
I freaked out a bit.
It's a strange feeling to be in a city with millions of people and be so alone. Usually, I crave being alone (introversion), but it's different when you're in a big new city. If anything happened to me, there's no one I could call. If something really bad happened, how long would it take C to be notified? Foolish, unlikely thoughts, but they ran rampant as I walked to the subway.
I did remember to put Cs contact information in both my phone and my backpack, and also took $20 with me in case my phone was lost (so I had money to come back on the subway).
It was all silly and everything was fine, but I had significant anxiety until I swam at the pool. There are just so many people in Manhattan. It's so crowded and so loud that it's easy to feel intimidated.
I'm investigating another gym on the Upper East Side, which would have much lower vehicle/foot traffic. It would better suit me, so hopefully it works out. Plus I'd get to ride the ferry.
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving and Mentions of a Demo
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving Day to our better half (third? Have to have Mexico in there).
I've been playing the Heroes of Might and Magic: Olden Era demo and it's terrifically satisfying. I miss games like HOMM (the last one I played that was excellent was Hero's Hour), and this certainly looks like a faithful rendering in almost every way.
Adjustments
One of the things about living in Queens (and in NYC in general) is how easy many things are compared to what you're used to.
Other things are ludicrously hard.
Finding a decent Dr. Pepper from a fountain? God mode difficulty. Every time I find a soda fountain with Dr. Pepper (not often--soda fountains are strangely scarce in Queens), I try it. They've all been lousy (even the Jimmy John's in Manhattan) with the exception of Chic-Fil-A, which has been a reliable 7. A 10, though? Not even close.
So I'll be taking a bus for an hour on Sunday to Brooklyn in the hopes that a standalone Jimmy John's (The ones in Manhattan are crappy JJ/Dunkin' Donuts hybrids) will rise to the occasion. Plus I have things to check out while I'm in Brooklyn.
Swimming? Also ludicrously difficult. The few pools in Queens are either nasty or so overcrowded that you're swimming four to a lane. Oh, or it's impossible to get there.
In Manhattan, there are more choices, and we settled on a gym in mid-town that takes about 45 minutes of walking/subway to get there. Not great, but fine, whatever. Until everyone was circle swimming there, too, and it's too far away (and expensive) for circle swimming to be worth it.
I may have found another option, no more expensive, but this pool involves a walk, a bus ride, a ferry ride, and another walk. Which still only takes 35 minutes in total. And they have 7 lap lanes, too, which sounds promising.
Yes, I really want to swim. Otherwise I would have given up well before now.
A New Champion
The beast has been slain, so to speak. Again.
I went back to the Post Office this morning, armed with the additional documents they suddenly said I needed, only to find that the supervisor--presumably made weary by the entire affair--had approved the second change of address late yesterday.
And thus it ended. Not with a bang, but a whimper.
I thought I'd be in for a similar series of unfortunate events when I went to the DMV in Manhattan today, but I was wrong. It was set up extraordinarily well, the seating was comfortable, there were a ton of clerks working, and they called out a number every ten seconds (or so it seemed) for service. DMV bingo, and I'm here for it, because I was out in 30 minutes with very little waiting.
Thank you, New York DMV.
Everything in New York unlocks something else, and in this case, having a New York driver's license makes it more simple to bet an NYC ID card, which qualifies you for all kinds of discounts inside the city, particularly at museums.
Post Office Adventures
It's been quite an adventure to get Eli 24.2s mail forwarded.
We filled out the change of addresses in Grand Rapids in person so there wouldn't be any in-person verification needed in Queens (because Eli would be back in London by then).
So, of course, the post office sent us a letter wanting in-person verification.
I went to the post office. I explained the situation. Tough, was their basic answer. It didn't matter that I was his father (and could prove it). It didn't matter that I had pictures of the front and back of his license.
I called the post office help number.
The person there said if Eli got a power of attorney for me as his representative in the matter, then the POA and the pictures of his license would fulfill the regulation.
Back I went to the post office to verify they'd accept this answer. They would.
Eli did the POA over the weekend. On Monday, I went back to the post office.
Because of all the delays, the verification letter had expired.
I had to fill out a new change-of-address form.
Today, I received two letters from the post office, each one addressed to half of Eli's last name. One went through fine. The second requires in-person verification.
How the post office person took a hyphenated name, split it in half, and filled out TWO change of address forms, I have no idea. That's what happened, though.
Now I have to go back to the post office. It would be a life achievement at this point to get this *#*#*@! thing done.
NYC Pictures!
A few photos from various places as we explore.
First, the High Line. The famous pigeon and a mural:
Next, in Corona Park in Flushing (the World's Fair was held there in the 1960s):
Finally, someone who really likes orange, with flawless shade matching:
Charles Portis
I've been compulsively reading books by Charles Portis in the last week. I'd never even heard of one of the great comic novelists of his era, but
Dogs of the South and
The Masters of Atlantis are both hilarious and incredibly well written.
I also suspect Portis influenced John Kennedy Toole because when I read Portis the dialogue reminds me of Confederacy of Dunces. And Portis was a southerner, born in Arkansas, so was probably familiar to Toole.
If you've never heard of him, it's a good time to start. Oh, and these novels are, to some degree, a product of their time, so some things are going to seem dated. But they're brilliantly written and laugh-out-loud funny.
Bang
I went for the new COVID booster (Moderna) yesterday, and it kicked my ass.
I was so hot overnight that I kept waking up every 15 minutes or so. Now I have chills and I'm loaded up with layers.
And it will pass. I usually am out of the woods in the 27-30 hour range after the initial injection, so I don't have long to go. I have a haircut this afternoon (about a mile away), so if you see someone staggering through Queens, it's me.
