Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Dear Gloria

Saturday night, Gloria went to a fondue restaurant.

As you might have guessed if you read carefully between the lines of this column, I am not a fondue guy. The idea of putting raw meat on a skewer and sticking it into a communal pot of boiling fluid was highly useful in the nomadic hunter era, but I believe it has limited utility now.
“There’s a big pot in the center of the table and that’s where you cook your meal,” Gloria explained.

“I understand,” I said. So it’s basically an upscale hobo camp. Do you have to cook beans in the can?”

She ignored me, which is generally a good policy.

Her dinner lasted over three hours, by the way. That’s so painful I can’t even imagine what it was like, not that I’d want to. I can only assume that cyanide mints were served after the meal.

This fondue excursion was part of a baby shower for Gloria’s friend, and I was happy to watch Eli 3.9 instead. We went to Ramsey Park and the big slide was so slow that it was like sliding down syrup. I had a laminated map in the car, and when we used it to slide down on, the children’s slide turned into a rocket sled. Later we went to Dave & Buster’s, where Eli won a 500 ticket jackpot (on his second try) on some giant wheel game.

When we got home, Eli saw that Gloria had left him a note. If one of us is going to be gone when Eli gets home, we leave a note that tells him where we are and when we’ll be back. I did it once without even thinking about it, and he liked it so much that it’s become a routine. So this time, he wanted to be the one leaving the note. These are verbatim from his dictation.

Thank you, Gloria, for writing me a note. I had a good time with Daddy at the park. I won a 500 ticket jackpot at Dave and Buster’s.

Dear Gloria, and I also slid on our map today so fast that I didn’t know how to land on the big slide at Ramsey Park.

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