Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Redecorating (part yours)

From DQ reader Todd Robinson, an epic story about redecorating.

A number of years ago my wife and I purchased our 25 year house. This was the home where we would raise our children until such age as I could legally kick them out.

We had the house built, and as such it came with the generic builder off-white walls.

When we started decorating the house, we decided to start with the "great room"(as printed in the brochure), or family room as I call it. We started in this room since we had purchased new furniture for the room, and it was to be the focal point of our life (her words).

So my wife and I talked briefly and she decided to that a moss green would look nice. Since it did not make my "masculine bits" shriek or shrink I thought it would be OK. Decorating in our house is a process where my wife picks the colour and I do the painting.

Coat 1
On that first day I remember looking at the colour and thinking that perhaps it was a touch less on the moss green, and a little more on the olive green, but then again, I am no colour expert.

It was olive green, light olive...which may have looked great on pizza, lbut ooked like crap on the walls.

It took about 3 minutes of viewing the room before I was advised that it needed to be repainted.

Coat 2
The second colour pick was attended by both of us. I felt since the project was approaching 200% over budget and time, I would like to contribute. This time we went with a little less yellow to the green and a little more blue... to give it that mossy feel. Like I said, we were aiming for Moss Green.

Second coat purchased, application begins... As the paint started to dry I remember thinking it looked more like Juniper than moss. Yep you guessed it, our walls were now painted a lovely blueish green. Matched the fir trees down the road brilliantly.

Coat 3.
300% over budget and time. I chose the colour. With her potential workforce about to strike, she agreed. Everyone knows that moss green is made by mixing forest green and grey. I believe the technical description may be sage green. I chose brilliantly, this colour would make the moss of the world weep.

Yeah right, apparently Sage has a lot of freaking brown in it. Maybe baby-crap green would have been a better name. Diaper ooze green... whatever. It was not Moss Green.

Coat 4
400% over budget and time, fingernails are permanently hued green. Sales guy at the paint store is now banking our paint purchase directly into his RRSP. He does however suggest we may want to use the services of a colour consultant. $125.00 is the cost. I agree, without even hesitating. Hell it is not like we have not dumped $500.00 or so into paint as it it.

So we book the appointment, the lady comes over, looks at the three paint samples we had worked through, and asked my wife what look she was trying to create. Examines the furniture and then whips out the colour wheel. You know the big bound book with all the possible colours in the world. 14,000 shades of green whip by her fingertips. She moves unerringly across the greens, she is looking for 1 colour, 1 sample in particular. She pauses and removes it from the binder. She hands it to my wife, pointing it out. My wife nods enthusiastically (too moved for words I am sure). Then she hands the colour to me.... I look down and notice the name of this particular shade. I had expected things like Foggy Morning Meadow, or Misted Thyme--

and out of 14,000 shades of green, she handed us--

Moss Green.

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