Thursday, July 29, 2021


I understand that some of you really enjoy these "personal discovery" posts, while others are groaning in pain every time you see one. Your patience is appreciated.

Like many of you, I was always "the smart kid" growing up. In a very small town (7,302), I stood out. 

There's nothing wrong with that, but it made me think I was singular. 

That seems like a good thing, on the face of it. Feeling that you're singular can drive you to achieve, to attempt things. To pee high, as I always tell Eli. 

For me, though, it was a trap.

Because I was so introverted, and always felt a little distance from the world (which meant I didn't feel like I belonged), I used what I thought was my own singularity to justify that distance. 

Instead of looking at myself to explain that distance, I looked at the world. It gave me a grievance. The world just didn't appreciate me. 

Because of that, I waited for the world to reach out to me, instead of reaching out to the world. It gave me an excuse to withdraw even further.

In truth, I'm no more singular than anyone else. Loads of people have all of my individual qualities. It's only in combination that I become distinct. But that's true for everyone else, too. I wasted so much time holding myself apart.

I really wish I had understand this thirty years ago, but I didn't start thinking about these kinds of things nearly soon enough. It does feel good to be more self-aware, though, even if it's late.

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