Thursday, July 29, 2004

This Just In

I'm sure this is the news you've all been waiting for: the 27th annual Rock, Paper Scissors International World Championships have been announced and will be held in Toronto this October. See the press release here:

There was a time when I was considered somewhat of a phenom in the world of rock, paper, scissors. During a slow semester in college, I developed a mathematical algorithm that told me what to choose with stunning accuracy. In less than six months of dedicated tournament play, I rose into the top fifty of the world rankings.

The world championships that year, ironically, were held in Split. Over three days of grueling round-robin competition, I made it to the Elite Eight, then the Final Four. One more tense win and incredibly, I found myself in the Finals. I was Rocky with hand gestures. It was then that I finally realized the enormity of what I was attempting. The cheering crowd, the hot stage lights, and the unrelenting stare of the television cameras broke my will. I faced my opponent, threw down four fingers, and yelled "SAND!"

My world championship t-shirts, printed prior to the finals but never used, are still hot items on eBay.

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