Tuesday, October 26, 2004

The Skybox

I went to Lowes Home Improvement Center today. I was sent there and instructed to find a 'solution' for the garden hose covering our backyard like a fifty-foot anaconda on The Discovery Channel.

We've tried it all. Hose reels--suck. Wall-mounted something or others--suck. Flat hoses--suck.

Then I saw something brilliant and new. I found a neon-blue hose which was already coiled. You just drag it around, water stuff, and when you're done it recoils on its own.

Unfortunately, in a tragic clash of Mars and Venus, I may well be on spousal probation for this remarkable discovery.

More importantly, though, as I walked through Lowes I saw this: http://www.lowes.com/lkn?action=brandPageProcessor&brandpage=skyb.

Stop that. Go take a quick look.

It's called the Skybox, and it's a personal vending machine. It can dispense four different kinds of drinks, and even better, you can do this: "Show off your team spirit and true colors. The SkyBox vendor can be customized with interchangeable front and side panels featuring your favorite pro and college teams – so you can change logos with each new sports season."

Sixty-four cans of ice-cold soda maintained at thirty-five degrees Fahrenheit. With your team's logo on the front.

I don't even need one and I want one. I'm almost giddy just thinking about it.

I go up to the counter to pay for the ill-fated neon hose, and I ask the clerk about the Skybox and how it's selling. This guy is about twenty years old, pretty tough-looking, and when I mention the Skybox, he giggles. It's an actual fourth grade recess, cootie-catcher, Peter-Thompson-has-a-crush-on-me little girl giggle. "Oh man, I really want one of those," he says. Then he smiles, and in his smile there is a long and happy life.

This is why we drive women crazy. They giggle about love. We giggle about vending machines.

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