Monday, November 15, 2004

Eli Whatyousay, M.D.

Eli 3.3 found me in the living room last night around seven. He was carrying his doctor's kit.

"I have to examine you," he announces. "Go into the waiting room until I call you for your appointment." The waiting room, conveniently enough, is my study. It's the first time I haven't minded waiting for a doctor.

Fifteen minutes later, I come out of my study to check on my exam.

"Is it time for my exam, Doctor?" I ask.
"NO!" he says. "You go back and wait until I am ready." Eli is sitting on the couch with Gloria watching The Aristocats.
"It's this kind of medical indifference that will pave the way for socialized medicine," I say.
"Whatyousay?" he asks.
"Nothing. You medical professionals hold all the cards, don't you?"
"I will call you when it's time for your examination. Now go back into the waiting room."

Actually, the cards are all in my study, and that's where I get to go. After half an hour of Halo 2, I've totally forgotten about my appointment, but Dr. Eli walks in wearing his stethoscope and his red plastic glasses and says "So what is going on with you today?"

"I'm a little tired," I say. "And my shoulder is..."
"Sorry," he says. "I can do nothing for you. Now give me five monies."
"Nothing? Where did you go to medical school--Barbados? And I have a three money deductible!"
"Have a lollipop," says the Doctor. "Now I have to examine Mommy. So what is going on with YOU today?" he asks Gloria.
"I think my nose is turning green," she says.
"Now THAT is a problem," he says. He gets out his toy syringe. "Hold still," he says, as he gives her nose a shot.
"Ow!" she says. "You don't give shots in the nose."
"Listen, at least he's treating you," I said. "I'm exhausted and need rotator cuff surgery and I didn't even get a sugar pill. Besides, if your nose is turning green, it NEEDS a shot."

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