Thursday, February 24, 2005

Eli 3.6: Appearing All This Week

Eli 3.6 told a joke today.

"Daddy! Daddy!" he shouted. "Why is the GRAPE so UPSET?"

"I don't know, little man," I said. "Why is the grape so upset?"

"Because PEOPLE keep PULLING on his EARS!" He then collapsed in laughter. I raised an eyebrow toward the internationally renowned Eli 3.6 translator, otherwise known as my wife.

Oh, wait. The phrase "otherwise known as my wife" will get my ass kicked but good.


Gloria looked at Eli and said "Eli, do you mean corn?"

"Daddy," Eli said, "Do you know why the CORN is so UPSET?"

"No," I said. "Why is the corn so upset?"

"Because PEOPLE keep PULLING on his EARS!"

I'll be opening for him all week.

Play group is at our house on Friday. This generally means an emergency evacuation of all male, adult personnel. It's sort of like 1917 in Russia, except nobody is over three feet tall.

"How hard would it be to put up the stair gate again?" Gloria asked today.

We took down the child gate at the base of the stairs several weeks ago. It's a real pleasure to walk around the house without feeling like you're in a tiny, maximum security prison. Some of the kids that come to play group, though, are quite a bit younger than Eli 3.6.

"Mmm," I said, mumbling. I'm an excellent mumbler. "I'm not sure."

"Last time I moved the plastic kitchen in front of the stairs," she said. "But they just pushed it aside."

"I wonder if little kids are like buffalo," I said.

"What?" Gloria asked.

"Buffalo," I said. "Buffalo won't test a barrier that looks solid. The Indians used to weave grass fences to pen them in, and as long as their were no gaps in the fence, the buffalo assumed it was solid and didn't try to escape."

"What?" Gloria repeated.

"If they were like buffalo," I said, "we could just get some gift wrapping paper and tape it across the opening to the stairs. It would look like a wall."

"Never mind," she said. "Ill just use the plastic kitchen. I'm sorry I asked. Which is often the case."

Functional incompetence. I wear it proudly, like a badge.

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