Monday, February 21, 2005

A Salute to Hygiene

I saw "57" at the pool yesterday.

I don't know anyone by their names at the gym. It's not a social hour. I do know how fast they swim, though, because I'm always watching people to see who swims well and what I can learn from them. I also check how fast they're swimming. So everyone has a number, based on their average 50 time (which is timed during a longer interval of 200 or 300 yards).

The reason 57 is important is that she swims 100's in 1:54, which is the perfect speed for me right now. I can swim 100 with her, take 50 off to rest, and swim another 100.

There's 54, but she's too fast for me right now. Most of the men who swim at the pool are 60's, which is too slow.

I told Gloria about this and she said "You are SUCH a geek."

She thinks that's an insult. Heh.

Remarkably, though, that long digression is not the point of this post. I was in the locker room after swimming yesterday when I saw one of the "sales counselors" at the urinals. I've gotten very suspicious about this gym--it's very poorly run--and so when I see this guy, I immediately think "This guy's not going to wash his hands, because this gym is The Black Plague."

If only I'd been so lucky.

So he finishes his business, and then he leaves the commoner area and enters the "V.I.P." locker room. I'm curious, because I've suddenly turned into a hygiene stalker or something, so I casually move over so I can glance at him through the glass window.

Now remember, this guy hasn't washed his hands after using the urinal. He goes to the V.I.P. sinks, looks in the long mirror at himself, and sort of adjusts his posture to stand more ruggedly upright. Then he licks his hands and smoothes his hair down. A Clooney cut, in case you're wondering.

That's right. For those of you keeping score at home, just record that as "urinal using-penis touching-hand licked by mouth."

Since this guy is a sales counselor, he's a hand shaker. Good luck on getting a handful of that.

Holy hygiene, Batman!

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