Cyborg Names Part 2: The Devil and Daniel PaypalThe names that were generated for us yesterday were very funny, so I thought I'd order shirts for Gloria, Eli 4.0, and myself. I mean, how often do you get a chance to give your wife a t-shirt with a robot on it and her name represented this way: General Lifeform Optimized for Repair and Immediate Assassination.
That's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, my friends.
So this is the part where I say that PayPal is the devil. Not expecting that, I bet.
The form to pay for the products says that PayPal is the preferred vendor (and it's clearly a PayPal payment page). However, it also says
Don't Have a PayPal Account?
You don't need an account. Pay securely using your credit card.
Like I said, PayPayl is the devil, so I was skeptical. However, I went ahead and filled out field after field with information, credit card number, etc. Hit "submit" and it told me my payment session had "expired" and that I needed to re-enter the information.
Outstanding. So I do. Guess what? My payment session has "expired." Repeat, repeat, give up. E-mail the Cyborg Name guys--they're very apologetic and say it's a PayPal problem that will hopefully be fixed shortly.
Tried it again this morning--payment session "expired."
This is actually not the reason that I call PayPal the devil. It's just an item on the list. I loved PayPay at first--great, great idea.
At first. Then, over the course of a few years, I wound up spending over a thousand dollars with my PayPal account (it involves buying twenty copies of System Shock 2 from Hong Kong, but I'll tell you about that on another day). Suddenly, I get this message from PayPal that says I've gone past the "thousand dollar limit" and I have to give them my bank account number.
Apparently, once you pass that thousand dollar threshold, they try to "convert" your account, which involves getting your bank account number. If I remember correctly, a certain amount of money is withdrawn at intervals and placed in a PayPal account for you to use when you make purchases. And oh, by the way, I assume that unused money is drawing interest for PayPal while it sits there in your (actually their) account.
That caused a five-alarm fire at the Bullshit Management Command Center. So I told them "no."
And that was the end of my PayPal account. Once you break a thousand dollars, it's unusable until you give them a bank account number. And if you try to open another account with the same e-mail address, forget it. Or if you try using a different e-mail address and the same credit card, forget it.
It's incredible, really. And horrible business practice. They already have a secure payment method that guarantees them revenue and instead they go anal probe on you.
That happened a couple of years ago, and hopefully they've changed their policy by now, but somehow I doubt it. And I wanted nothing to do with them after that.
Now, though, they're back. Somehow I bet if I had a PayPal account, that transaction would have gone through with no problem. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the reason the transaction failed is that because I used the same e-mail address, they know I'm one of the rebel holdouts.
I'm bunkering down here, boys, send food and water. I hear helicopters hovering over the house. I'm sure the PayPal goons are on their way.