Friday, September 23, 2005

Redecorating (part two)

As you'll remember when I totally dropped this story about a week ago, part one consisted of Gloria trying to sneak "art boobies" into our bedroom.

Then came part two. She bought a new floor length mirror for our bedroom. It's apparently unconscionable and actually illegal for a woman to lack a full length mirror. I believe it's for shoe inspection or something. I'm not sure because the information is given out on a "need to know" basis only.

When Gloria hung up the new mirror, she took down the original. Instead of staging it in a disposal or storage area, however, she just leaned it against the wall in our hallway, in the perfect position to force you to look at yourself for about ten feet.

A very, very bad sign.

I waited for a week. It was still there.

"Honey," I said, "Do you want me to take that mirror down to the garage?"

"No," she said. "I'm going to hang it up right there."

"What? Right there?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Oh, no," I said. "Don't you see what you've done?"

"I'm a complete optimist for even asking, but what?" she asked.

"Any time I have my shirt off and walk down that hall, my boobies become art boobies."


"Don't make me look at that," I said.

"You make a convincing argument," she said.

"Worse, what if it turns out I like it? Then I'll start preening half-naked in front of the mirror, flashing my art boobies like Mick Jagger, strutting around like some kind of anexoric rooster. Can you afford to that that chance?"

"In a word--no," she said.

Mirror. Gone.

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