Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Icing, Perfected

I've eaten thousands of Pop-Tarts in my life.

Yesterday, though, as I began to eat a cinammon roll flavor Pop-Tart, I saw something I'd never seen before: on the back was a thumb-sized oval of white icing. It was perfectly smooth and perfectly oval and looked like an icing Cameo.

In short, it was a Pop-Tart miracle.

"Take a look at this," I said to Gloria, holding up the Pop-Tart as I entered her study. "Examine it closely," I said. "Do you see anything that in any way resembles the Virgin Mary?"

Gloria studied the Pop-Tart for several seconds. "Not a thing," she said.

This was a serious problem. A Pop-Tart with an unusual or remarkable feature is worth nothing. A blessed Pop-Tart, on the other hand, could be worth thousands of dollars on Ebay.

"You have artistic talent," I said. "Could you possibly create a faded yet plausible image of the Virgin Mary? While you do that, I'll work on setting up a viewing area. Then we'd put it up for auction on Ebay. I could buy my new computer and there would be plenty left over to get something nice for yourself."

"I can't draw the Virgin Mary on a Pop-Tart," she said. "Sorry."

"Not a team player," I said.

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