The Brothers Lazy
Matt and Steven Kreuch are frequent e-mail contributors to DQ. They're brothers, and they're both very funny, and they often e-mail on the same topics (without knowing that the other brother has done so as well).They both weighed in on the lazy post, and here they are. First, from Steven:
I feel the need to defend my brother from these naysayers to his Lazability.
I must say he is one of the lazier people in the world. He perfected the art and features a vast skillset. When we were lads my parents would ask him to do a chore and he'd keep them at bay with "I'll get to it in a minute" until they would do it for him. All the while he continued to watch tv. While we were on vacation once, he even got me to read a book for him (he's 4 years older), and when he had to write the report... had me tell him about the book and what to write. As for these people who ask why he didn't use socks and was wearing pants, I believe it is because:
A) it was cold and thus longer pants were required
B) he was wearing shoes, so in order to mop up with socks would require taking shoes off... thus with his now patented pants sponge, he was able to mop the spill without shoe removal.
C) he was investigating a new technique to fall back upon in case he was ever in the same situation without socks... a trailblazer my brother is.
Having been his younger brother for 34 years... i can safely say he has more lazy skills than the casual observer could ever guess. While he may not be a sensei yet... he's no Grasshopper. He's like a 4th degree blackbelt lazy.
Not really, though, because that would take effort to obtain the belts... so if he ever aspired to a blackbelt in lazy, he could do it, but it's really just too taxing to bother.
Actually, for a lazy person to get a black belt in lazy, the belt would just have to be lying around, and of course he'd be too lazy to pick it up.
A few hours later, I hear from Matt:
I feel compelled to clarify a few things based on the email responses you posted regarding my "Pinacle of Lazy" email.
1. I never claimed to be the 2nd laziest person (that was actually you, Bill, crowning me with that title and I've felt the burden ever since). [Ed. note: this is true, because Matt would be too lazy to "claim" anything.]
2. Some of those commenting don't truly understand laziness in it's purest definition... Lazy as a verb. Lazy: (v.) "To accomplish a task with minimal exerted effort". This implies that I must still do the work but with minimal effort. Not to mention that I think my dog is even lazier than I am so she won't be drinking that water off the floor.
3. I did have shoes on (black dress shoes which enable the fabric to glide down over my heel).
4. When one acheives a great level of accomplishment at 12:11AM and your loved ones are all sound asleep... and your dog just looks at you funny when you talk to her, yet you still feel that enormous sense of pride that you have to share with someone, Bill Harris (aka. Lazei Sensei) is there to share in your personal glory.
5. Today I wear pants secured at the waist by elastic!
I appreciate the reaction and comments generated by my life event. I do agree that I have much further to travel on my path to pure laziness though I assure you all... I will continue to work as little as possible on this goal.
That's the spirit.
<< Home