There Were No SurvivorsEli 5.3 and I were sitting on the patio at Bear Rock. He'd brought a plastic triceratops and a little truck with him, and they were sitting on the table.
"Dad, do you want me to tell you the story of how this truck got crushed?" he asked.
"Sure," I said.
Here's what he told me (complete with character voices):
The truck was just driving along.
"Did you know we're in the Cretaceous period?"
"Why, no, I didn't know that."
"That means we've traveled sixty-seven million years."
"I guess that means we'll see some dinosaurs."
"I don't see any dinosaurs. Say, are you making that thumping sound with your feet?"
"No, I'm not making a thumping---ARRRGHHHHH!"
As you could have guessed, there were no survivors.
Early in the afternoon, Gloria had dumped some clothes out of the dryer onto the big red chair in the living room. Eli immediately lined up and prepared to take a running jump.
"Oh, no you don't," Gloria said. "You're not going to jump into those clean clothes with your dirty clothes on from the park."
Eli stopped and stood there for a few seconds with his hand under his chin. "Well, then," he said, "I'll just--TAKE THEM OFF!" and he started stripping right there.
"Loophole for the win," I said.
He stripped down to his underwear and started his preparations. First, he punched his fists up in the air. Then he pounded on his chest like Tarzan. Then he did the butt dance (described in a previous post some months back). Then he sprinted in place for a few seconds. Then he leaned back like an Olympic broad jumper, paused, and took off.
In case you're wondering, the chair was eight feet way.
He took two big steps and leaped. The preparation took thirty seconds. The run plus leap took two.