Console Post of the Week: Out of Control
One of the great indictments anyone can make of a company is that it is out of control. I've been sort of hinting around at that for weeks now, but let's just go ahead and make it entirely clear: the gaming division of Sony is out of control.What tipped me over the edge about this, curiously, is advertising.
Let's do a very quick review first. Actually, let's not. We all know how Sony got here--I've written about the different pieces for months. And I've mentioned Sony's advertising before, too--but never like this.
Sony has a current advertising campaign for the PS3 called "This is Life," and it's one of the best examples I've ever seen of a company that is coming apart at the seams.
Here's the setup: there are basically multiple oddball characters living in a hotel. There are two segments that tell a "story" featuring all the characters, and there are also individual segments for each of the main characters.
Production values are absolutely off the charts. That's not why they stand out, though.
This upcoming video segment is NSFW, at least in every company I've ever worked for.
Here's the segment: This is Living--uncut. This little video gem contains the two segments featuring all the characters, and the second one is truly remarkable, if you call seeing a guy slide his hand into his jock and masturbating "remarkable."
This is known as the "Yank the Crank" theory of advertising.
He's watching a soccer match, and while you you don't actually see his unit, you certainly see the pumping action of his arm, the rhythmic squeezing of a nearby soccer ball, and the simulated orgasm when the television announcer shouts "GOAL!"
I'm going to buy a PS3 right now. Nothing stimulates my appetite for a retail product like a guy spooging over a soccer match. Hell, give me two.
Seriously, who vets this stuff at Sony? Do humanity a favor--find them and fire them.
Yes, I understand that this is the "uncut" version. It's still utterly idiotic.
But wait--it gets so much better.
One of the individual video segments is for a character named Bruce, who is an aging, mincing diva and wannabe game show host.
Seriously. I couldn't possibly make this shit up.
If you want to see his segment, go here.
Really--you need to see it.
And if you can't, the setup is a chubby 50-ish man in bed. Wearing a thong. His alarm rings, and after a bit of business, he goes in front of a full-length mirror and delivers this monologue:
"Picture the scene, if you will. 7:59 p.m., Friday night, backstage. My makeup is immaculate. My hair coiffed to perfection. I go through my breathing exercises--in through the mind, out through the soul. I stand in the wings, assume the position, and the voice of God himself utters those immortal words: 'Ladies and gentlemen, it's You Bet Your (L)Wife, and here is your host, Mr. Bruce Leghorn.' The lights come up--BOOM!--I am struck by a lightning bolt of adoration. It blows off every single last piece of my clothing--the gold llame jacket, the pants tailored by the delicate young fingers of a thousand Thai boys. Even the tiny silver locket, containing the sepia-tinted picture of my mother as a teenager--gone--incinerated in a flash. And I stand before them, naked, immaculate, gleaming, proud, all my talent on show for the whole world to admire. That, my friend, is living."
That's right: "the delicate young fingers of a thousand Thai boys." And if you didn't watch the video, you missed Bruce's facial expressions, which leave absolutely zero doubt that Bruce is quite taken by Thai boys.
It's a landmark moment in advertising: creating a pederast character to sell high-end consumer electronics devices.
Talk about edgy.
The last sane person who works at Sony is getting drunk. He's just seen the pederast segment, and when the lights came up, he walked out of the office and directly into a lonely, smoke-filled bar down the street. As he lifts his shot glass for the fourth time in fifteen minutes, he says to himself, "I miss the days when we just showed people masturbating."
Like I said, someone at Sony had to actually vet these segments. And the fact that these videos have the Sony stamp of approval are just another example of a games division that is totally and absolutely imploding. Everyone at Sony--everyone, at least, who has anything to do with the public--seems to have gone stark raving mad.
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