Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Eli 6.10

Eli 6.10 has been in fine form since he got out of school for the summer.

"My stomach hurts," Eli said as he sat on the couch.

"But a little while ago, you said your stomach was fine," I said.

"I have a headache, too," he said.

"Good grief," I said. "You have so many symptoms I'm not sure anyone can even keep track of them."

"Dr. Larry can," he said.

"Who's Dr. Larry?" I asked.

"He's the DOCTOR that lives in my FINGER," he said.

"Does he see other patients?" I asked. "Because I've been wanting to make a change in my primary care physician."

"Dad!" He said. "OF COURSE he can't be your doctor--he lives in my FINGER."

"You'll have to get your own finger doctor," Gloria said. "Duh."

"But I can't," I said. "I had a medical school in my arm, but it closed over a year ago."

"Mom, can I have dinner?" Eli asked.

"Dinner? It's only 3:30," Gloria said.

"Dr. Larry said it was okay," Eli said.

"Well, Dr. Larry is a quack," Gloria said.

Eli and Gloria came in from a day trip last weekend, and Eli was bushed. He came in, blearily said hello, and flopped down on the couch.

"He fell asleep on the way home," Gloria said.

"Hey!" Eli said. "I was NOT sleeping. I was just PRETENDING. "

"Pretending?" Gloria said. "You were asleep for forty-five minutes."

"Faked it! Hello!" he said.

We were playing Super Mario Galaxy together last weekend, and I was playing one of the toughest bonus levels in the game (Luigi's Purple Coins). This level has both disappearing and rotating platforms, and we would each try twice, then pass the controller over. At one point, after yet another death, Eli was trying to encourage me, and he said "You looked AWESOME! You looked like a BIRD taking off--and then you hit a TREE and FELL DOWN."

When Eli and Gloria went to see The Lion King musical last year, they brought me back a T-shirt that had a drawing of Scar with the caption "I'm surrounded by idiots."

Last weekend, I wore the shirt, and I was standing in the kitchen when Eli walked up, looked at the shirt, and said "I'm surrounded by IDILOTS."

"Idiots," I said. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

"That's very funny," he said, "but it's unappropriate for school."

Eli 6.10 has quite a vocabulary, but it's not fully operational. We were watching the Disney Channel together, and he saw an older girl as one of the announcers. He shook his head and said, "It's not sanitary to watch the Disney Channel in high school."

We went fishing last Sunday, on what turned out to be a very windy day. Since it was almost impossible to fish, we just hung out together. After we finished playing on a playscape that was near the pond, we were walking back to the car and he asked "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "I left the phone in the car."

"I wish there was a clock in the sky," he said. "That would be really convenient."

We did catch two little fish, and the second one was a tiny little sunfish that fit into the palm of Eli's hand. "It's so cute that I want to pet it," he said, "but it doesn't have fur."

One of the things that's really, really fun as a father is to watch a kid's sense of humor develop. Eli 6.10 has an excellent sense of humor, but now he's getting a much more complex understanding of how humor works.

We went to Dave & Buster's last week, and we decided to get something to eat before playing games, so we went into the restaurant. While we were waiting, Eli made the paper napkins into boats. "Dad, let's have a boat battle," he said.

We moved our boats into position, and then I picked up a pepper shaker. "Cannon," I said, and launched a broadside. He wrestled it out of my hand and proceeded to smash the paper boat I was holding to bits. "Your boat SANK," he said with glee.

"That's not my boat," I said.

"It's not your boat?" he asked. "Why not?"

"I sold it to you," I said.

"DAD!" he said, laughing so hard he wound up sideways in the booth.

We temporarily have a fair number of tiny, tiny black ants commuting into our house. I've always heard them called "sugar ants," but that's not correct--I have no idea what they're really called. When it gets really dry down here, though, they start looking for water, and that always leads them inside.

I brought home two chocolate glazed doughnuts for Gloria after our last trip to Krispy Kreme. They were in a cardboard box, and I put them on the kitchen table.

That afternoon, Gloria walked over to the table and opened the box. "Uh oh," she said

"What is it, mom?" Eli asked.

"The sugar ants like doughnuts," she said.

"Where? Let me see!" he said. He ran over to the kitchen table and took a quick look. "DAD!" he shouted. "They ate a WHOLE CHOCOLATE DOUGHNUT!"

"That, um, was me," Gloria said.

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