The Olympics (#1)We all sat down and watched the Olympics last night. As a family.
"That's just a heat," I said, revving up the DVR skip to hyper-speed. "Prelims--skip. Commercials--skip. Qualifying rounds--skip. Commercials--skip. Personal feature--skip."
"Let's watch something," Gloria pleaded.
"Ah, here we go," I said. "The last two minutes of a four-hour bicycle race. And...we're out. Commercials--skip. Women's gymnastics qualifying--"
"Stop!" Gloria. "I want to see this."
The next half-hour was spent watching sixty-pound sprites hurl themselves around in implausible fashion. Most compelling were the Chinese, who wore these remarkably striking, graceful uniforms that were both beautiful and dignified.
Then the U.S. team came out for their qualifying rounds.
"What are they wearing?" Gloria asked.
"Looks like they bought all the surplus costumes when the circus closed down last year," I said.
"Those are just awful," she said.
"Since when could corporations sponsor teams?" I asked.
"What corporation?" she asked.
"Carl's Jr.," I said.
In good news, though, I hear we're a lock to sweep Getting Shot Out Of a Cannon.