Commando For The Holidays
"Dad, come check this out." Eli 7.4 is holding up a Voldemort action figure, part of his Christmas haul."What is it, dude?" I ask.
"Look." Eli holds Voldemort up toward me, feet first. No tightie whities for the ultimate evil. In fact, no underwear of any kind.
"Voldemort's going commando?" I ask, bewildered.
"I see England, I see France, Voldemort isn't wearing underpants," Gloria said. Eli started laughing, and so did I, because that rhyme never gets old.
Fortunately, there was no Learing Penis of Evil™ under Voldemort's robe, either.
***
Eli's started using reverse psychology.
We were going to Fry's on Sunday, and there's a little quarter machine near the exit that is filled with little rubber Ninjas. "Dad, can I get a ninja?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Can I get TWO?" he asked.
"No," I said.
"THANK you," he said. He says it in this hilarious, ironic way, and it cracks me up every time.
***
We were walking into Macy's Tuesday night, and when Eli heard the music playing inside the store, he started dancing.
Eli's dancing looks kind of like a seizure, except in a very happy way.
So he dances like this for about ten seconds, totally happy, and then he shouts "HERE I COME, WORLD!"
***
Eli's using two new phrases now.
When he's surprised, he says "SWEET MOTHER OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN!"
Now that I type that, I'm not sure that's even new.
When he's disappointed by something, he says "BARNACLES!"
***
I'm not big on Christmas tradition, because I'm a tech person (like many of you). To us, "tradition" just means "thirty percent slower."
I'm a big fan, though, of ad hoc Christmas events.
Last night, we were driving home about 7:30 p.m., and Eli suddenly shouted "TURN RIGHT!"
So I did.
A few houses down, there were seven Christmas inflatables in a single yard. I can't even begin to imagine that guy's electric bill.
We decided to just drive around and look at Christmas lights for a while. Eli was the designated spotter. We decided that people who use those creepy frost-blue lights are probably vampires or some other form of the undead, and then we went home.
Happy holidays to you all.
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