Thursday, December 25, 2008

Commando For The Holidays

"Dad, come check this out." Eli 7.4 is holding up a Voldemort action figure, part of his Christmas haul.

"What is it, dude?" I ask.

"Look." Eli holds Voldemort up toward me, feet first. No tightie whities for the ultimate evil. In fact, no underwear of any kind.

"Voldemort's going commando?" I ask, bewildered.

"I see England, I see France, Voldemort isn't wearing underpants," Gloria said. Eli started laughing, and so did I, because that rhyme never gets old.

Fortunately, there was no Learing Penis of Evilâ„¢ under Voldemort's robe, either.

Eli's started using reverse psychology.

We were going to Fry's on Sunday, and there's a little quarter machine near the exit that is filled with little rubber Ninjas. "Dad, can I get a ninja?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Can I get TWO?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"THANK you," he said. He says it in this hilarious, ironic way, and it cracks me up every time.

We were walking into Macy's Tuesday night, and when Eli heard the music playing inside the store, he started dancing.

Eli's dancing looks kind of like a seizure, except in a very happy way.

So he dances like this for about ten seconds, totally happy, and then he shouts "HERE I COME, WORLD!"

Eli's using two new phrases now.

When he's surprised, he says "SWEET MOTHER OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN!"

Now that I type that, I'm not sure that's even new.

When he's disappointed by something, he says "BARNACLES!"

I'm not big on Christmas tradition, because I'm a tech person (like many of you). To us, "tradition" just means "thirty percent slower."

I'm a big fan, though, of ad hoc Christmas events.

Last night, we were driving home about 7:30 p.m., and Eli suddenly shouted "TURN RIGHT!"

So I did.

A few houses down, there were seven Christmas inflatables in a single yard. I can't even begin to imagine that guy's electric bill.

We decided to just drive around and look at Christmas lights for a while. Eli was the designated spotter. We decided that people who use those creepy frost-blue lights are probably vampires or some other form of the undead, and then we went home.

Happy holidays to you all.

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