Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Literary Nature of Texts

We went to a water park on Sunday, a near-apocalypse for me. I swim many laps in water, but I do not "ride" things, as a rule. There were many, many people in this park, and most of them were wearing bathing suits that exposed a highly unattractive amount of flesh.

If aliens had a live camera feed of this park, they would be immediately persuaded not to invade.

My texts below are in bold. John's are italicized.

...surviving Schitterbaun* right now
*not its actual spelling

Be sure to have a minimum of 4-5 funnel cakes. Local statute requirement.

I'm in hell. Can't unsee the human flesh.

They likely did their part to adhere to Comal County Resolution 2013-36 (aka The Funnel Cake Statute), so be sure you do the same. Permanent county residency can be ordered by the court for repeat offenders, so we've never been willing to risk it and just chown down on funnel cakes as we should. I can still taste them...sugar-coated misery and despair.

You, sir, are the Hemingway of theme park descriptions.

"I can still taste them...sugar-coated misery and despair." That is absolutely magnificent.

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