Thursday, March 05, 2020

A Bad Decision

I found a way to flummox Google search. Just type in the words "vegetable plate."

This is a thing that barely exists anymore, much to my regret. Instead, it's all vegan restaurants that have a surprisingly small amount of vegetables on any one dish. One carrot, cut into a spiral, interlaced with zucchini lace and sprinkled with essence of vegan. Or something like that.

I'd just like to have basic vegetables, freshly prepared. And corn.

I was desperate today, after spending half an hour googling various search terms and digging through the menus of dozens of restaurants, all unproductive. I remembered that Eli 18.7 and I had gone to a Cracker Barrel for the first time three years ago, and it was strange, like a Hoarders episode combined with a funeral home. Plus, their nostalgia vibe seemed to hover on the knife's edge of "man, this country was great before black people could eat with us, am I right?" Creepy, gross, and offensive.

Still, it had been three years. We hadn't been in Michigan. Maybe the franchise had moved in a positive direction. And they had a vegetable plate. So I went.

Oh, no.

Armies of old white people, grimly devouring fried meats and vegetables drenched in butter before shuffling off this mortal coil. The description of my meal as a "vegetable" plate was technically accurate, but only if butter has recently been designated a vegetable.

Nostalgia? Still super creepy, still incredibly uncomfortable.

The fried okra was good, though.

Still, in the future--forever--a hard pass.

Site Meter