Thursday, March 02, 2006

Life With Eli 4.6

Eli spilled a snack in the living room yesterday.

"Eli, I asked you to be careful with that," Gloria said.

"It wasn't me!" Eli 4.6 insisted.

"Eli, I saw you," Gloria said.

"It wasn't ME!" he said. "It was some other child who doesn't care!"

"Daddy, why aren't there any Eddies?" Eli 4.6 asked.

"Well, little man, the Eddie population is certainly declining, but they're not extinct," I said.

"Oh, no," Gloria said.

"But are they real?" Eli asked.

"Yes," I said, "Eddie's are real."

"But I thought they weren't real," Eli said. "Have you ever seen an Eddie?"

"Yes, I've seen one," I said. "I went to school with one."

"You went to SCHOOL with an EDDIE?" Eli 4.6 is incredulous.

"Eli, what is an Eddie?" Gloria asked.

"Well, it's tall and furry and it lives in the mountains," Eli said.

"Do you mean a Yeti?" Gloria asked.

"A Yeti! That's it!" he said.

"Your mom probably doesn't know this, but Eddies actually FIGHT Yetis," I said.

Here is a transcript of my very relaxing shower this morning.
"DADDY! Can I stay here and distract you?"

"Sure, buddy," I said.

Five seconds.

"I need to BRUSH my TEETH," he said. He picked up the toothpaste tube, which was almost empty, and gave it a mighty squeeze, at which point the tube emitted a mighty, um, breaking of wind.

Eli burst out laughing.


Five seconds.

"Hey, I can see your nibble!"

"Nipple," I said.

"Nipple. Hey, I can see BOTH of them."

Five seconds.

"I can see your PENIS, too."

Five seconds.

"Hey! I can even see your NOSE!"

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