Monday, August 22, 2022


Online dating platforms are, to an introvert, inherently embarrassing. Leave it to me to up the ante.

Bumble works similarly to many dating platforms: you swipe left to dismiss a profile, or right if you're interested. Also, if you particularly like the profile, Bumble has a "super swipe" feature, of which you have a limited supply. This super swipe option is in the very center of the screen, at the bottom.

I think I've used the super swipe maybe half a dozen times in a year. 

I decided weeks ago that limiting my range for looking at profiles was stupid. There don't seem to be many creative people close to me, so I just opened it up, and man, I've looked at a lot of profiles. 

For whatever reason, past a certain distance, Bumble disregards your filters to sort out profiles. So I'm looking at everyone now, for better or for worse (often worse). 

Last week, I was eating a protein bar for lunch, and I was idly swiping left (almost always left) on profiles as I ate. Then a new profile came up, a conservative woman who had some MAGA vomit in her profile. 

At that moment, a small piece of protein bar fell onto my phone screen. 

Well, damn it, I thought, and I blew on my phone but didn't move the little bit of bar at all, so I started trying to slide it over with my finger. Which is how I accidentally super swiped on this woman who believes the election was stolen and all true authority in this country stems from Trump. 


Fortunately, she didn't respond with a like. I'm sure she saw my profile and--well, I have no idea what she thought. She probably got out her gun. One of her guns. 

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