Notes on Upcoming Software RevisionEli 2.11 will become Eli 3.0 on July 31. I know this because he tells me. He tells me many things, because as far as I can tell, he hasn't stopped talking since version 2.6. I'm not sure how he breathes.
This morning, he walks in on Gloria in the shower and says "Hi. My name is James. I'm an astronaut. I have a flat tire." Then he leaves to go fix his spaceship/car.
I can just hear that at Mission Control--"Eddie, we're going to have to scratch the launch. We picked up a nail driving past those new apartments they're building on 59. We're going to have to jack her up and put on the compact spare."
Eli 2.11 has also started a favorite guy tradition--the catch phrase. He will prepare elaborate disaster scenarios involving Hot Wheels cars and tiny plastic people, usually involving either a car-pedestrian accident or a fall from great heights, and at the precise moment the plastic meets the pavement he'll say "That can't be good."
I say that, of course. When we accidentally see five minutes of America's Funniest Physical Agony Videos, and a skateboarder takes a header after trying to grind a rail suspended thirty feet off the ground, my stock answer is "That can't be good." So instead of emulating my good qualities, like...or my endearing habit of...hmm.
Let me get back to you on that.
Eli also has imaginary friends now. Actually, they're not imaginary--he just imagines that they're here. He is totally in love with a Wiggles dancer named Larissa (Wright, I believe--and if you're Larissa Wright, my son would very much like to marry you immediately. The age difference will be much less noticeable as you get older). He's also very fond of Chuck E. Cheese. So today he says "They're here!"
I go "Who's here?"
"Larissa and Chuck E. Cheese," he says.
"Are they here together? Are they dating?" I ask.
"What?" he says. Yes, he says it just like Lil John on Chapelle's Show.
"Are they a couple?" I ask.
"Yyyes!" he shouts.
Chuck E. Cheese can pull chicks. Who knew? And I thought Lyle Lovett was smooth.