Thursday, August 26, 2004

Quality is Our Recipe

We went to Wendy's for lunch today.

They have a new item on the menu--'Tuscan Beef.' Wow--Wendy's goes uptown. There's a big picture of the new dish, and it shows a few beleaguered vegetables piled atop what looks suspiciously like--A HAMBURGER PATTY.

Three mushrooms and a weak sprinkle of Parmesan cheese does not transmogrify a hamburger patty into Tuscan Beef. I'm not even sure what Tuscan Beef is, but I'm absolutely sure that the foundation is not a hamburger patty. They didn't even bother to change the shape--it's still the Flat Square O' Beef that we'll all familiar with.

The other very classy touch with the new Tuscan Beef was that the picture also showed it being served on white china plates, along with stainless steel forks that had salmon-colored decorative handles. And matching cloth napkins.

Listen, the last time a cloth napkin was used in Wendy's, it was for a mask in a robbery. And I haven't seen many salmon-colored, stainless steel forks lately, either, although you can get a nice white china plate, as long as you think 'white china plate' means beige plastic.

Next they'll be promoting their new Dutch Diamond Tenderloin. It's a hamburger patty, rotated forty-five degrees.

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