Thursday, September 30, 2004

I Saw the Virgin Mary in a Hamburger Bun Once

I saw this on CNN:

MONTERREY, Mexico (Reuters) -- A fiberglass statue of Jesus that washed up on a sandbar in the Rio Grande three weeks ago is attracting scores of devout pilgrims to a police department lost-and-found and being hailed as a miracle.

Police in Eagle Pass, Texas, said up to 40 people a day are coming to pay homage to the five-foot-tall figurine, known as "The Christ of the Undocumented," which was found by U.S. Border Patrol agents in the river.

My initial thought was that this was one of those lawn gnome pranks. Failing that, just think of the potential for Corporate America. I believe that five-foot fiberglass statues of Jesus will soon be flooding the country in a marketing frenzy. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Foley's: The Christ of the Red Apple Sale
2. Wendy's: The Christ of the Ninety-Nine Cent Value Menu
3. Wal-Mart: The Christ of the Low Prices. Always.
4. NBC: The Christ of the Must-See TV
5. Corn Nuts: The Christ of the Ultimate Crunch
6. Bounty Paper Towels: The Christ of the Quicker Picker-Upper
7. A&W Root Beer: The Christ of That Frosty Mug Sensation
8. National Pork Board: The Christ of The Other White Meat
9. BMW: The Christ of the Ultimate Driving Machine
10. Sargento: The Christ of Just Say Cheese

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