Monday, November 29, 2004

Now Endorsed By Marie Antoinette

Sometimes you guys send me things that I can write about. Sometimes that's a mistake.

Jason Cross sent me this link: It's what we've all been waiting for: the Bagel Guillotine.

Besides an excellent picture of the product, the website also dispenses this factoid: Cuts sustained while cutting bagels are one of the major reasons for Emergency Room visits.

Who knew?

"Dr. Incredulous, we have a bagel cutting accident in three."
"Nurse Underpants, are you kidding me? Another one? How many of these kids are going to have to die?"
"At least one more, sir, apparently."
"It's a tragedy. This culture of bagel-cutter-on-bagel-cutter violence is destroying the bakeries."
"I agree, Doctor. Your sincere concern has aroused me. Time for a quick romp in the supply cabinet?"

It's a remarkable testament to human ingenuity that a device solely intended to kill human beings can be remarketed as a household convenience. I salute you, sir!

Obviously, once this product catches fire, there are going to be some cheap copycats. Clearly, you all saw this coming as soon as you saw the phrase "Bagel Guillotine."

--Firing Squad Pastry Gun (you can't miss with this culinary accessory!)
--Lethal Doughnut Injector (now with a free jar of delicious Jamtastic©!)
--Old Sparky Stun Gun (now with Limited Edition Old Sparky Action Figure, Florida residents only)
--Hangman's Noose Bottle Opener (pull the lever, cold drinks forever!)

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