Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Father Eli 3.6 Knows Best

I was with Eli 3.6 on Sunday when we saw a baby having an al fresco bottle at the Pancake House with her mom. Later, while we had our "chat and play" session at the Randall's crane machine game, Eli started talking about the baby.

"That baby can't do ANYTHING for herself," Eli said.
"That's right," I said. "Not at first. Babies are a lot of work. Do you know how many times babies eat in a day?"
"Ten," said.
"Ten?" he asked. "You are cracking my head up, Daddy."
"They do," I said. "They eat every two hours or so when they're first born. So most of the time, you're either feeding the baby or getting ready to feed them."
[note to bottle-feeders: I know that the "ten" number does not apply to you. Carry on.]
"Man!" Eli 3.6 said. He shook his head with vigor. "That is crazy!"

Soon after, he won a stuffed animal from the crane machine--a Dalmation-colored Longhorn, holding a heart in its paws that said "Be My Valentine." This is what happens when potheads design stuffed animals.

Actually, that's not true. It would have been holding a pizza.

Eli hugs his spotted Longhorn and says, emphatically, "This is my baby and I am the mommie."
"Well, it's very nice of you to take care of it," I said.
"I will wake up at night and feed it, because it's just a baby," he said.
"That's right," I said.
"And I will feed it AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN!"

Next up: Eli 3.6 writes a parenting book called Again and Again and Again and Again and Again and Again: A Guide for New Parents.

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