Saturday, March 19, 2005


I've been watching the NCAA Tournament when I can, and the advertising is just driving me nuts. I usually have everything Tivo'd, but since I'm just watching in bursts, I'm watching it live.

Can anyone in this country still get an erection? Because with all the "erectile dysfunction" ads, I have to wonder. I expect there to be a coffe-table book titled 24 Hours of Impotence Across America any day now.

My favorite part is where the announcer, in hushed tones, says "If your erection lasts longer than four hours, you should seek medical attention."

You think?

Hang on, Sparky. You might want to wave the checkered flag on that bad boy before you hit the four freaking hour mark. Holy crap.

I'm sure that for some couples, these drugs have been wonderful. But I wonder about the women who are less than pleased when their husband has a four hour erection. That's an awful lot of, well, erection.

So I think there's an untapped market for another drug that would counter the effects of Viagra.

I can see the ad in my mind: a husband in Dockers and a button-down shirt with a gleam in his eye as he gives his wife a box of lingerie and shakes the box of Viagra at her. She smiles politely, but as you see him taking the pill in the background, you see her taking out her own prescription.

For Deflata. Or Vagigra.

You see her slipping the crushed pill into his glass of wine. Cut to a scene in bed where he looks sheepish and they share a warm embrace. He shrugs his shoulders and she smiles.

Then he's asleep and she's next to him watching Jay Leno and laughing uproariously. She picks up a huge book and begins to read with a beatific, calm look on her face. In the background, you can hear "What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love."

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