Viva La Fashion
I went shopping for clothes today.Gloria was having a "high tea" or something at our house. "It's not 'high tea'," she said. "It's just a few friends over for lunch."
"How long will they stay?" I asked.
"I don't know," she said. "A few hours."
"To men, that's high tea," I said.
This morning, I went through the mandatory pre-company ritual. That means moving all of my crap out of the living room and leaving no trace of my existence in the common areas. Standard married stuff.
So I had some time today. The last time I shopped for clothes, I--well, I can't say that, because I'll be damned if I can even remember the last time I bought clothes. Besides, Ross, anyways, because I remember writing a column about spending money on cutting edge electronics from Japan but wanting to buy lopsided shirts from Ross to save three dollars.
There's a Kohl's store a few miles from our house, so I stopped there on the way home. There was a huge selection of men’s clothing that was deeply discounted, mostly the casual stuff, which is exactly what I was looking for.
After surveying the men’s clothes, I can say without hesitation that gay is the new straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
So I’m picking a few things out, because I don’t plan on doing this again for five years, and that’s when it happened. I looked over to my right and saw a rack of long-sleeved shirts with a pattern on them that made them look wrinkled. They were shirts that were supposed to look wrinkled.
Now wait. I know that you’ve got your car keys in hand and you’re headed to Kohl’s, but you need more information first.
I immediately saw the staggering conceptual beauty of this concept. If I leave this shirt in the dryer for, oh, two days, no one will know. I can wad it up in a ball and throw it on my bookshelf for a week, and no one is the wiser.
I waited over forty years for this day, and finally it’s here. Being a slob is now a style. I’m not an emotional person, but I don’t mind saying that I teared up as I stood there in Men’s Fashions, staring at a shirt that represented my entire adult life—rumpled, uneven, and sloppy.
Viva la fashion!
These shirts are called “Chaps Easy Care,” and there are apparently only four patterns for the long-sleeved shirt, two of which look like a horrible accident at a sherbert factory. The other two, though, are wearable.
A new gaming console that supports 720p (and possibly 1080i) for all games is being introduced tomorrow. Shirts that are supposed to look wrinkled are available for purchase at a local retail store. It is, indeed, the most wonderful time of the year.
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