Thursday, July 28, 2005

UT Javelin Champ Says Bad Taco Killed Dream

That's why I read the Austin American-Statesman. Headlines just don't get any better than that. And the headline on the continuing page for the story reads "JAVELIN: Suit says taco curtailed career." Nice alliteration.

Here's the story. A University of Texas javelin thrower, Thomas Engwall, qualified for the 2004 Olympic trials in the javelin by one centimeter. His throw was twenty-first best among the qualifiers. It was forty-six feet behind the top qualifier. He made it to the Olympic trials by the width of a gnat's ass.

Then Engwall ate tacos at a Chipotle Grill before the Trials and got ill.

Tacos are high performance fuel, of course. It's like I always say: to be an Olympian, you have to eat like an Olympian.

He wound up losing twenty pounds, didn't throw well at the Trials (understandably), and now he's suing Chipotle Grill. For destroying his Olympic Dream.

Dude, I'm sorry you got sick, but your right arm destroyed your Olympic dream. You weren't going to be in the top three unless you added propellant to the javelin. You were going to have to launch that bad boy with a fuse burning.

Chipotle Grill voluntarily closed during that period of time, as several people reported getting ill. The Health Department didn't find any violations (that location has never failed a health inspection), and it's believed that a norovirus probably caused the illness.

Here's the web version: Note that they even have another snappy headline on the website: "Hurler Sues."

Hurler. That cracked me up.

My time has passed to be in the Olympics (actually, there never was a time), but I'm still hoping that the Cynic-lympics will be established before 2010. I'd be freaking Michael Phelps in that competition.

I'm sure, though, that the medals would suck.

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