Friday, October 28, 2005

Postal: The Movie

Man, Uwe Boll is everywhere. He's like a cinematic fungus.

It was announced earlier this week that Boll was teaming up with the micro-brains at Stabbing Ourselves With Scissors to make a Postal movie.

I know. Just the thought of that makes The Exorcist sound like a My Little Pony movie in comparison.

Boll had this to say:
...the movie must be powerful, strange, and so full of the game's political incorrect outrageousness that if we do it correct, we will all probably end up in jail!

Dude, I saw fifteen minutes of House of the Dead. You should already be in jail. You make Ed Wood look like Stanley Kubrick.

Then there was this quote from the Running With Head Wounds team:
Postal has always been about reason and insanity, violence and motivation; Uwe Boll is simply the right guy to bring that vision to the screen.

For once, I agree with them.

Let's review. The reviews, that is.

Here are the review ratings for the three Boll films that are in the Rotten Tomatoes database:
Blackwoods (13% favorable, average rating 3.1 of 10)
House of the Dead (6% favorable, average rating 2.1 of 10)
Alone in the Dark (1% favorable, average rating 1.7 of 10)

Here's my favorite Alone in the Dark movie review excerpt (from Nicholas Schager):
Saying Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV.

Postal 2 got a 0% review from Computer Gaming World (and that was too high). Here's an excerpt:
Until someone boxes up syphilis and tries to sell it at retail, Postal 2 is the worst product ever foisted upon consumers.

It's a perfect match!

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