Evan The Inappropriate ElfI was in Randall's last week and saw a holiday display with an elf.
His name was Evan, and he was the size of a large nutcracker (about 20" high). He was also utterly, ridiculously cute, and Eli 9.4 would love him. Hell, I'd love him. How can this little guy not melt your heart?
That's when I noticed Evan's special gift. Literally. This was going to be the Christmas purchase of a lifetime.
I went from the store to an event at Eli's school, and I saw Gloria inside. "Hey, you need to come with me to the car after this is over," I said.
"Why?" she asked.
"Trust me," I said.
Later, in the parking lot, I held up Evan by the waist (showing her the same view that you saw in the picture above). "Look," I said. "His name is Evan."
"Oh, he is adorable," Gloria said.
"Yes," I said. "And inappropriate." I took my hands away from his waist.
"Oh my God!" she said, bursting into laughter. "That's quite a package."
"He starred in an erotic film called 'A Piece of Evan'," I said. "Totally legitimate."
"What was the unit price?" she asked.
"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it was jacked up," I said. "Really, he's a masterstroke."