Things and Other Things
Hmm, so apparently that chipmunk picture I posted yesterday is a "ground squirrel". Google needs to brush up on its chipmunk identification as well.I will say this, though: chipmunks are adorably cute. Even if you don't like cute things as a rule, they're just off the chart. I assume this is consolation when their network of burrowing tunnels destroys your lawn.
This was an actual conversation from yesterday.
I walked into the house and Gloria (5'4", 105 lbs.) was patting her stomach.
"Is your stomach okay?" I asked. "Also, 'It would be if it wasn't so big' is not an acceptable answer."
She laughed.
"I'm starting to think that our bedroom mirror is misleading me," she said. "I'm much thinner in the upstairs mirror than the downstairs mirror. Will you go look at both and tell me which one is more accurate?"
"F--- no," I said, and she burst out laughing. "I will never, NEVER do that. I will jump into a waiting plane and parachute to safety before I even consider looking at those mirrors."
I am strongly in favor of a new law that restricts the size of the mirror that women can use to ruthlessly examine their appearance. If I was President, my first action would be to decree that mirrors could no longer be larger than 6" x 4". Using a full length mirror?
That's prison time.
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