Tuesday, April 11, 2017

The Other Mall

I didn't mention this last week, but we went to a second mall in Minnesota.

Not mentioned in the post about Mall of America was how normal everything seemed. Lots of different kinds of people, a consumer melting pot. It was the quintessential American mall experience, just 10X the size.

The second mall? The whitest mall in America.

Luis Vitton. Coach. Lululemon. Vineyard Vines.

Wait, those are super snobby stores, but what makes it the "whitest" mall? Well, 99% of the customers were white, which is a strong indicator. Also, men walking around in sweater vests and ties to shop.

I half-expected a yacht on wheels to come sailing through, with its breezily knotted, sweater-wearing passengers lifting champagne flutes as they rolled by.

Really, it was kind of horrifying.

We passed a store named H.O.B.O. Their website says "Our possessions should reflect our journey".

This is not satire. No way could I make this shit up.

"Is that the most tasteless thing you've ever seen, or just in the top ten?" I asked.

"It's way up there," Eli 15.9 said. "Not gonna lie."

"Next, a store created by rich white people called 'Homeless'," I said. "You know that's coming."

We didn't stay for more than fifteen minutes, and both felt even that was too long.

When we got back to the parking lot, I burst out laughing. "What?" Eli asked.

I pointed to a double row of cars in front of us. "Look," I said, "it's not just the mall that was white!"

Site Meter