Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Mandatory Fun Day, 2017

Gloria gets a day in summer where we go on a day trip, because there are various levels of outrage expressed during the summer that we're not going on more day trips.

I understand, but it's tough. When Eli 15.11 works out 2-3 hours a day, and it's often an afternoon/evening series of workouts, there really aren't any totally free days, because he doesn't take days off.

That's what you do if you want to be a national class athlete, and he does.

So he was on the ice at 8:00 Saturday morning, worked very hard for an hour, then Gloria came by and picked us up to go to Saugatuck.

Saugatuck is a very small beach town with a very small beach (Oval Beach) that is frequently rated as one of the top twenty-five beaches nationally.

"Hey, does this beach have beach chipmunks?" I asked as we trudged toward the water. "That's a thing, you know. They love to dig in the sand."

We walked forward about ten feet. "Look, there are some tracks," I said.

"Why are you like this?" Eli 15.11 said, laughing.

Michigan beaches, or rather the people who frequent them, are different from other coastal beaches.

The beach itself is quite similar--lovely sand, blue water. Lake Michigan might as well be the Atlantic ocean, for all you can tell from the shore.

Here, though, the people on the beach are much paler, so the people with dark tans stand out, instead of the other way around. Very nice people, though.

Then there was beach bro.

There were a few hundred people on the beach, and it was so totally peaceful. The sound of the water lashing the beach. The wind. A few seagulls calling as they flew by.

Then Jet Ski Bro showed up.

It was like driving a Harley right through the middle of the library. Unfortunate.

"Can't they contain these people?" I asked. "I think we need a special beach. Bro Beach."

"Oh, yeah," Eli said. "That should be a thing."

"To gain admittance to Bro Beach, you'd have to shotgun a beer," I said. "And you'd have to carry around a gallon of water at all times."

"Two gallons," Eli said. "One in each hand."

"Wardrobe," I said. "Muscle shirt, backwards team cap, male pattern baldness."

I'd go to Bro Beach and study the bros, like BirutÄ— Galdikas and the orangutans. Live among them, gain their trust, decipher their complex social networks.

I hear they're tool users. Amazing.

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